Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
by Ted Allen, Kyan Douglas, Thom Filicia, Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez
Random House $209
Misunderstood as metrosexual, the Queer Eye concept is the beachhead of postmodern homosexuality. Its catchphrase: 'You - only better!' The global television hit involves hapless heterosexual men stylistically revolutionised by five gay guys - Ted Allen (food and wine), Kyan Douglas (grooming), Thom Filicia (interiors), Carson Kressley (fashion), and Jai Rodriguez (culture). The Queer Eye book is far less camp than the show and more a hip Cosmo for men.
The idea is that, with a little homosexualising, even Russell Crowe can morph into his own wife. ('A little hair gel and some pants that fit aren't going to set off anybody's gaydar, people.')
Just as certain straight men mask homosexual impulses with hostility, gay men are socialised to fight fears with fuss. Kyan wags his finger: '[Men] wash their face with the same bar of soap that they wash their ass with.' (Given the sexual repertoire of the average homosexual man, this squeamishness seems a tad rich.) He wants males groomed until they smell of redwood forests in the spring, their buttocks as smooth and unyielding as Pamela Anderson's botox-bolstered forehead.