Santa Claus does not live at the North Pole, travel by reindeer sleigh, wear a red suit and give toys to kiddies. No, in reality, Father Christmas drives around in a Hong Kong government car and hands out unnecessary piers worth scores of millions of dollars to non-taxpayers who live in Britain.
How else can one explain the work habits of officials in the Civil Engineering Department? Their insane generosity with taxpayers' funds is surely not based on common sense or good judgment. It is fuelled by a bizarre insistence on carrying out vastly expensive public works needed by virtually nobody.
To paraphrase Sir Winston Churchill: seldom in the field of civic construction has so much been spent on so many unneeded projects for the benefit of so few. When it comes to gross wastage of public funds, the civil engineering boys are in the running to win the crown, along with their counterparts at water supplies and the champion ditch diggers of drainage services.
All specialise in carrying out work for ghost communities. The latest example of government munificence gone mad are plans to build a series of piers for places where nobody lives and where few people go.
Anyone with half a brain and one eye can see these plans are spurious. The present dodgy claims they are trying to weasel through Legco's Finance Committee include funding for nonsensical works for which there can be no justification. If an indignant taxpayer (for example, me) demands explanation for this work, the erudite officials instantly produce carefully considered reasons.
Oh, they say, existing piers are old. Oh, they preach, we must consider safety. Oh, they lament, people want them. They've got an answer for everything. But what they cannot justify is why they are spending good money on expensive infrastructure for ghost towns. Take plans for a new pier at Sham Chung, Three Fathoms Cove, permanent population two human beings, and at Lai Chi Chong, another deserted village facing Mirs Bay, where there is sometimes a trickle of hikers.
It's a sham. The CED spokesman drones: 'Government policy is to provide safe and convenient berthing facilities to the public.' Sure, no complaint about that if there is genuine need. They're building a pier at Cheung Chau. Terrific. They are doing up the one at Shataukok; fine and good, except that it's in the Frontier Zone and most people can't use it. But Shataukok is a living community. Other places are ghost villages where a pier is simply a crazed extravagance.