My husband has finally succumbed and we have a dog for life, instead of merely arguing about one when Christmas comes around. Years of lobbying have culminated in the arrival of Merlin, a small but cute canine of indeterminate breed.
My assertion was simple: dogs are so much more reliable than children. Take, for example, bathroom habits. After a couple of months, dogs cease to be a problem, whereas parents have to wrestle with their children's bathroom habits for years. You never have to ask a dog publicly if they've 'wiped'. Nor will a dog ever announce to the world at large that they are 'going to do a poo'.
Admittedly, like children, dogs lick themselves, chew the carpet and sometimes won't come when called. They have a tendency to drool and an embarrassing attitude towards sex. But faced with a litter of puppies, it's perfectly permissible to say: 'How sweet! Who wants one?' Better yet, you are positively encouraged to have your adolescent dog neutered to prevent such incidents occurring in the first place. Unfortunately, this option is unavailable to parents of teenage children.
Merlin has quickly become an exemplary member of our household, and always greets me cheerfully - unlike my daughters who consider me invisible.
Merlin just says 'no' to drugs and has no desire to sample vodka. He never argues about what haircut I give him, never wears too much makeup, and never requires properly fitted shoes. He keeps his basket unfailingly tidy, and wouldn't dream of leaving wet towels on the floor.
Merlin is so polite the only problem we've had has been persuading him that the garden is a separate entity to the house and, in time of need, the former is the place to go.