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Trials of a business-class outcast

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Boarding an aircraft has become a cruel and unusual form of punishment for many of today's budget-conscious business travellers. Trust me, I'm one of them.

As you step from the air bridge, years of J-class experience urge you to turn left. But the smiling stewardess, having spotted your zoo-class ticket, has other ideas.

'36G. Across the aisle and to your right, thank you, sir,' she says with what could almost be interpreted as a look of pity.

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Sometimes the passage to the back stalls is thankfully short. You are allowed to step straight into economy.

But all too often (when you have no choice but to shuffle your way through business class) it can be agonisingly slow. Past all those lovely, wide seats. Past all those passengers with even wider, self-satisfied grins.

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As they glance at you in corporate attire heading towards the back of the plane, you almost expect to hear them chant 'dead man walking'.

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