Myself, I do not need to imagine, because I received just this missive earlier this week. To my shame, at first I panicked. The reason: like a lot of people, I am susceptible to False Authority Syndrome. If, for example, I had the misfortune to live in the animated world of South Park, and Cartman uttered his catchphrase 'Respect my authority!', I would comply.
But in this case it dawned on me that here was probably yet another attempt to dupe me by some slimy virus spreader.
The obvious clues were the failure to address me by name, the dud grammar, and the fishy request to 'resign' my account information, whatever that means. Finally, of course, there was the small matter of the attachment: why on earth would my Webmail provider need to send me a pif file?
But before I could relax, I was hit by a second wave of anxiety. Had I perhaps become possessed by a virtual evil spirit known as a 'spam zombie'? This new economy neologism sounds like a slimy, undead relative of the couch potato.
Colin Chapman, boss of the anti-virtual junk mail outfit SpamFixer, said it referred to a personal computer - usually broadband-equipped - that had become infected with a virus.
This virus turns the computer into an 'open relay', which lets spammers dump their garbage without fretting about it being tracked back to them. Blame the SoBig and Bagle viruses and their variants, Mr Chapman said, because they were the most common sources of the spam zombie problem. They open a TCP Port ( 'Think of it as an unlocked back door,' Mr Chapman said) and notify spammers (either via ICQ or a webpage) that the computer is primed to be used. So how do you know if you have become a zombie? Are there any signs, such as listlessness or developing a predilection for haunting graveyards?
