These are great times for the Goliath Casket company. Business for the small family business is ... well ... bulging. All thanks to the foresight of the company's founder.
Until the 1980s, virtually every American casket-maker manufactured standard-sized coffins for the dearly departed. Back then extra-large caskets were hard to find and, being hand made, costly to buy. But in 1985, Forrest Davis, father of the company's current owner, Keith Davis, decided to become the first coffin maker to focus solely on making big caskets for big people.
Quitting his job as a welder, the elder Davis told his sons: 'Boys, I'm gonna go home and build oversize caskets that you would be proud to put your mother in.' The Goliath company set up business in a converted pig barn. They offered only one colour, but boasted two sizes: big and bigger. All models came with extra bracing and reinforced hinges and handles, so no matter how large the customer inside, the casket wouldn't lose what the funeral industry calls its 'integrity'.
Yes, it's finally come to this. For decades government statistics have suggested that Americans were getting bigger and fatter. Now the proof is in the pudding. First they became too portly to pull on their pants. Then they became too fat to fit in their cars or be wedged into their airline seats. And now, Americans are becoming too fat to fit into their coffins.
So last year, the Goliath's company's fat-friendly staff introduced their 'triple-wide' casket. This gargantuan coffin is a comfortable 132cm wide (61cm is standard). 'We're talking about a casket bigger than a pickup truck bed that can hold 1,000 pounds,' says Goliath president Mr Davis. The company sells about 800 super-sized coffins annually, with sales expected to rise 20 per cent per year.
As Americans grow ever more elephantine, virtually every aspect of their society is being forced to adapt to their corpulent requirements. While most Sports Utility Vehicles (SUVs) are cavernous enough to accommodate the average lard-laden American, Asian-auto makers such as Toyota and Kia are having to offer special seat-belt extenders for Americans buyers too bulky to be safely contained by normal-sized seatbelts.