Chris Patten's bags are well and truly packed but before members of the Chinese Politburo get excited, the only place he could be heading is to the master bedroom of Government House for some much-needed rest.
The wear and tear of life in the political arena - and no doubt his heart problem last year - has been etched deeply on the Governor's face and Hong Kong people are worried, so much so one faithful follower took the opportunity provided by a public forum to recommend the Chinese herb called ling-zhi for the bags under his eyes. But what about the broken capillaries, the jowls and the pallid complexion? ELAINE KING asked the experts how they would save the Guv's face and the solutions ranged from the relatively quick but rather drastic cut of a plastic surgeon's knife to a simple cut at the hairdressers and a trim of the old nostril hairs. We found the quickest way to knock 10 years off Mr Patten, however, was to doctor his image using the latest computer technology.
Whatever, if any, course Mr Patten decides to take, he can be assured of a discount.
PLASTIC SURGERY According to a leading plastic surgeon, bags are caused by bulging fat under the eyes. Everybody has this fat deposit, but as you get older the skin tissue loses elasticity and allows the fat to protrude.
'To improve the Governor's appearance we could surgically remove some of the fat and trim the excess skin to reduce wrinkles,' he said. 'Once the fat was removed we would assess how much skin needed to be taken off. The procedure is done under local anaesthetic. Stitches can be removed after the third or fourth day and healing is fast. The Governor would be quite presentable after a week. He should be assured this kind of cosmetic surgery doesn't change features - he'll still look like Chris Patten, but minus the bags.' Sleep was another recommendation.
To dispose of those jowls, the fat would be sucked out from an incision behind the ear. Bruising would last for about 10 days but the scar would be invisible within two to three weeks. A neck lift may be required if there was a problem with loose skin after the fat was suctioned. This is considered a major procedure.
COST Bag removal: from $10,000 to $20,000. Jowl removal: prices vary upwards from $20,000.