Crab crunching Shanghai style

Snow Garden Restaurant, 2/Fl, 8 Sunning Road, Causeway Bay Tel 881-6335, hours: 11am-3pm, 6pm-midnight daily.

SHOULD you be visiting the watery shores near Suzhou this season, observe the crustacean version of Romeo and Juliet. For autumn is the season of love, when male crabs crawl out of their holes in search of tenderness, understanding, and passion.

Without the means to advertise themselves (''Reddish-brown, about 2.36 cm, enjoys playing hide-and-go-seek with squid, looking for female crab for sincere and lasting relationship'') they creep out at night, libidinous juices flowing.

Woe betide these friendly animals. Instead of juices, tens of thousands of Suzhou crabs find sluices. The fisherfolk catch them, bundle them up with jute cords, label them ''Shanghai Crabs'' and send them to Chinatowns around the world.

The males are taken into custody from September to November, then the females get caught. Either way, though, Shanghai restaurants throughout Hong Kong gleefully display these star-crossed lovers in alluring pictures or in the hapless flesh.

Diners with a penchant for demolition engineering relish Shanghai Crabs. Others of us don't. The truth, we realise, trying to negotiate hard shells, silver tongs and fragile chopsticks, is that crab meat and our human blood don't blend very well.