Online community leaves me feeling glad to be alone

The tech arena can feel like a cesspit. One recent spam message I received rhymed 'hag' with 'shag'; another advertised images of straight guys pleasuring gay guys for cash. Meanwhile, the onslaught of worms and scams never lets up - I could form a museum of virtual garbage.

Instead, by way of escapism I ventured into a much-vaunted online virtual community called Second Life. According to the puff - which sounds like a joint effort by a Miss World contestant and Jim Morrison - Second Life introduces you to 'a burgeoning new online society, shaped entirely by its residents. Here you can be or do anything'. That means explore an ever-changing 3-D landscape, meet exciting people, even 'create a masterpiece - or an empire'.

Unless you have more Ram than IBM's Big Blue, the first thing you notice on entering your empire-to-be is the strain on processing power. Just sending an e-mail becomes such an effort you may feel inclined to print and post it.

But Second Life does enable you to transform your appearance without forking out for plastic surgery. In my case that means goodbye dirty blond hair. Goodbye lantern jaw. Goodbye week-old stubble. Hello who?

The temptation is to go for the sleek, geometric look. Instead, for the hell of it, I decide to make myself as repulsive as possible. That means big hair, big gut and skin-tight clothes.

Then I consult the virtual map and randomly teleport Star Trek-style to a haven called Spittoonie Island. Whoosh.