When I am bored out of my mind and then some, I have two remedies. The first is to drink so much coffee that I start to shake and hallucinate. The second is to play with those time-killing, word-spewing online oddities: language generators.
My favourite is the Dialectizer (rinkworks.com/dialect/), a redneck lingo generator. I have never actually met a real redneck. My closest encounter came when I once saw a couple of beefy, bearded blokes in a jeep sporting a Confederate flag in the Castro district of San Francisco. Perhaps they were merely making a butch fashion statement.
But I bet that rednecks talk just as the Dialectizer makes out, if at less length. Either way, the Dialectizer is quite slick - like that easy option for dodgy linguists, Babelfish, it translates a webpage once you feed it the address.
I offer scmp.com. A property headline degenerates into a torrid procession of mangled nouns and apostrophes: 'Click har fo' th' latess residential transackshuns info'mashun fo' Hong Kong islan', Kowloon an' Noo Territo'ies.'
For no apparent reason my first name morphs into Abner.
In the interests of balance, I scour for a politically correct online generator that will change 'girl' to 'pre-woman', 'ugly' to 'under-attractive' and 'redneck' to 'rustically inclined', for example.