Cathy was shocked when her husband Mike said, 'THIS is it, I want a divorce,' 'What do you mean, this is it? I always thought our marriage was fine!' What has gone wrong between this couple? Why has one side apparently been building up to the point of a split, whereas the other seems to be totally unaware? Obviously, Mike has been dissatisfied for a long time. Things he considers problems between him and his wife have been accumulating and causing him anguish. So why didn't he or Carol do anything about it? Mike is the type of person who doesn't like to let out his feelings. When something troubles him, he might avoid dealing with it by telling himself it is not major. Since he is not used to talking about problems, he finds it easier to swallow them or let them go.
This seems logical to him. But he is unaware of how this course of action can affect his marriage.From Carol's point of view, things are not perfect but peaceful. She realises her husband doesn't like to talk about problems. But he seems to get over them quickly, so she leaves him alone.
For example: since Mike is not used to expressing his opinion, Carol feels she has the burden of making most of the major decisions. She is used to doing things her way. Even those times when Mike expresses an objection or a different view, Carol still tries to convince him and/or goes ahead with her decision.
The result is Mike has become more silent and Carol has become more assertive in doing her own things.
By not letting his annoyances be known, Mike may achieve temporary peace, but meanwhile a barrier has grown between them. He assumes either she won't alter her behaviour, or he simply doesn't trust her to understand where he is coming from. Without even letting Carol know what the problem is, he has already drawn the verdict. When Carol repeats the behaviour that annoys him, he gradually concludes the situation is hopeless.
As far as Carol is concerned, she doesn't want to stir things up and appear to be a nag. She continues in the same way, without being aware of his resentment.