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A visiting US counsellor/author says all the hormones released can make an alcoholic with seven children seem like a good catch

Couples have been warned not to rush into sex because the hormones released during orgasm can blind people to the true value of their relationship.

Patricia Love, a counsellor on love and marriage, said the effects of the hormones could make an 'alcoholic with seven kids seem like a good catch'.

She said it was 'scientifically better to hold off being sexual' until a relationship matures from the infatuation stage to the 'post-rapture' stage.

But be patient - this process can take up to two years.

Dr Love has co-authored several books on monogamy, love and relationships, and is in town for a conference on couples, organised by the Family Institute at the University of Hong Kong.

'Orgasm releases oxytocin in females and vasopressin in males, which are bonding agents and have amnesiac effects,' said Dr Love, who is co-founder of the Austin Family Institute in Texas in the United States.

'If you have sex too early in a relationship, you will have missed all the underpinnings of bonding. The later you have sex the more discerning you can be about your relationship - it is only when infatuation ends that true love begins.'

It was these hormones, she said, that could blind couples to the issues that may eventually cause a relationship to fail, such as the lack of common values and respect for the institution of marriage.

'What leads up to sex is a bonding of a different nature - talking, listening, touching, being affectionate.  Bonding affects females more than males, so it is really to a woman's advantage to wait to have sex until much later.'

She said divorce rates were rising worldwide partly because societies were becoming increasingly commercialised and there was more economic freedom for women. Unrealistic expectations of love and marriage fuelled by movies and a more 'western concept of love' also made it harder for couples to keep their marriages alive.

'People are becoming more attracted to romantic love, and in the west love is defined as a response to getting your needs met, pleasure, fondness,' she said. 'But you should instead ask what is best for the relationship and discern between pleasure and happiness, which is more long-term.'

Dr Love said a couple's parents  had statistically the best record in predicting whether a marriage would last.

Lee Wai-yung, director of the institute, said Hong Kong marriages often suffered because couples did not give enough importance to themselves as a couple.

'We often see couples through their children because the children are the first to suffer if a couple's relationship has gone bad,' Dr Lee said.

'The concept of couples is not so important in Chinese culture and there is a lot of avoidance of conflict.' Pre-conference workshops begin today  and the conference itself starts on Thursday.



Early sex in a relationship 'blinds couples'