Don't call me I'm about to divulge sensitive information about how men suffer in relationships. It holds the potential to make all our lives a little more bearable in this age of drama queens who get their kicks from re-enacting scenes from the latest Korean soap operas. In the hope that women stop doing it, I'm about to inform girlfriends everywhere of something that annoys the hell out of men: calling when you know we're out with our friends. If you want to score some points with your boyfriend then, seriously, just don't do it. This isn't simply because any form of communication initiated by the female that doesn't involve stripping is less preferable to the average male than cracking open a beer while sitting on the sofa watching fish swim by after ATV has shut down for the day. It's much deeper than that. In fact, it's so much deeper it's scientific. It's psychology and anthropology and group dynamics and sociological phenomena. And do you know why? Because men hate it - vehemently, overwhelmingly, fiercely - when, with a group of friends just waiting to pounce on anything they can tease you about, we have to speak into our mobile phone with that high-pitched, cutesy voice usually reserved for only the most intimate pillow talk. So just don't talk that way when we call, you say. Yeah, right. You know what ensues when that happens. Guy answers phone in hushed voice. Girl questions guy for being cold, gets angry that guy sounds like he's angry. Guy apologises for being angry (even though he isn't). Girl tells him to prove it by declaring his undying love for her. Guy, sensing the taunts that are about to happen, puts his head down between his knees in the brace position and, completely defeated, utters: 'I wuv wou, honey.' And then, inevitably, the guys around the table or at the bar or wherever in the world you are proceed to make fun of you as if you're the stuttering, four-eyed, pudgy kid in primary school. Whatever self-esteem you have left inside your weakened soul dies a small death, and although you're consoled by the fact that at least you do have a girlfriend, you'd really rather just spend the rest of your life in solitary confinement. So, girls, please don't call us when we're out with the boys. And if you want to be evil and do it anyway, don't blame us for pressing the reject button. We're not cheating on you, nor are we even annoyed that you disturbed our poker game. We're just trying to get through the day.