Elementum, dear Watson. It's just Governmentium ad absurdium

MY PARDONS IF you have already come across this news item elsewhere on the web, but did you know that researchers at Hong Kong University have just discovered the heaviest chemical element yet known to science? They have named it Governmentium.

Governmentium has no pros to its credit and, therefore obviously, no protons. It also has no electrons and is therefore inert. It consists of one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and any number of assistant deputy neutrons. These particles are held together by forces called morons and are supported in turn by vast quantities of insignificant particles called peons.

Although inert, Governmentium can easily be detected as it impedes everything with which it comes in contact. A minute amount can cause a reaction to take more than a year where it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium is not radioactive or active in any other way but does have a normal half-life of five years, at the end of which period a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Rather than lose mass through this process of decay, Governmentium actually gains mass over time as each reorganisation causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion has led scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain level of concentration, which is referred to as Critical Morass.