So much for business at the speed of thought - or even at a crawl. I recently tried to transfer money online from one bank account I have listed with PayPal to another.
First, I discovered, I needed to move the money into my separate PayPal account - there was no shortcut. In fact, as it turned out, a dead end lay ahead.
After a week of processing, the transaction finally stalled - the word 'failed' appeared on my PayPal account, which then locked. When I rang PayPal customer care a young grunt solemnly told me that, quite possibly, someone had tried to illegally access my money.
Laughing hysterically, I told the grunt that the someone in question was me: the security algorithm or cop had thwarted the wrong individual. The grunt assured me that it had not. I was, it seemed, guilty of trying to rob myself like a character in a novel by that chronicler of the grotesque, Franz Kafka.
The grunt wound up saying that he could not help me. I asked to speak to his manager who then made me undergo a series of security checks to prove I was David Wilson rather than an international money shark with Russian mafia connections. Eleven days on, at the time of writing this, the transaction is still 'processing'.
Perhaps, given that my British ATM card has expired and I hang out in the Asia-Pacific region, I am doomed. From now on, I may only be able to look at my money via the internet and not touch it.