Children who have no siblings may be at a disadvantage The world is becoming a lonely place. More people are choosing to stay single, many of those who get married are happy to remain childless and many couples who want offspring are content with having only one. The number of single-child households in Hong Kong has soared over the past decade. A Census and Statistics Department survey of households this year found that 73 per cent of children under the age of 10 have no siblings, compared with 63 per cent in 1995. In a survey conducted earlier this year of more than 1,000 couples who were getting married, 45 per cent said they would prefer to have two children, 35 per cent wanted one child, and 12 per cent did not plan to have any. Only 4 per cent said they would heed the chief executive's call to have three. Even though only children do not need to share their parents' attention and resources with any siblings, it may not be ideal for them to be in such a dominant position. Some experts believe the negative impact may not be seen until the child reaches adulthood. Psychiatrist Wong Chung-kwong, chairman of the board of advisers at the Whole Person Development Institute, says that while only children learn about different kinds of relationships in a family, they do not experience a sibling relationship, which teaches valuable social skills needed to get along with other people such as how to share, give and take, care for others, and fight, negotiate and become friends again. To compensate for the lack of siblings, parents should try to help them make more friends. This should not be a hit-and-run type of arrangement, but friendships that last as the children grow up together, he advises. Social workers working with children have come across only children who are under great pressure to please their parents. Clara Yuen Ka-wah, a counsellor at the Boys' and Girls' Club Association, which provides services for children aged between three and 18, warns parents against having excessively high expectations of their only children. She says only children being brought up by demanding parents feel great pressure as there are no other siblings to share their expectations. One example is children being expected to take up a family business. 'It is true that parents have more resources when bringing up an only child, but there is also the possibility that they will expect the child to achieve certain goals without taking into account their character and interests,' Ms Yuen says. 'One consequence is that the child will grow up not being able to make adult decisions without involving their parents. Children who have better self-esteem will bargain with their parents to reach a solution. Others will not question what they really want, but will follow their parents' decisions. For example, an only child might want to study music, but their parents want them to study law, so they may end up on a career path that does not really suit them. If they cannot do what they like, they will not live their life enthusiastically.' Both Dr Wong and Ms Yuen believe a person's character cannot be determined only by factors such as being an only child, but agree that they generally feel lonely and bored more easily, especially during early childhood. This puts more demand on the parents. Only children who have frequent contact with other children will have a better chance of sharing and improving their social skills. But those who do not will long for the companionship of their parents. Tips for raising an only child Share more fun time with the child Avoid putting pressure on them to meet your expectations Arrange regular activities where the child can interact with other children Establish a circle of childhood friends who grow up together Allow the child the freedom to pursue their interests Be their friend at home as well as their parent Help the child learn social skills and more about social interaction by reading stories and watching videos together
