I was never a Boy Scout, but I do subscribe to their motto: 'Be prepared.' In the face of the threat of a possible bird flu pandemic, I suggest the general populace adopt this sage advice, but also take some time out to catch up with the British comedy team Monty Python's 'dead parrot' skit.
This I was doing the other night, to the horror of my children, who had just spent a day at school being told clearly by their teachers about the dangers of bird flu. Staying away from our feathered friends appeared to have been high on the list of advice.
Yet there I was, laughing hysterically, as comedian John Cleese got as close as possible to a 'Norwegian Blue' parrot that was clearly no longer of this world - to prove to the pet shop owner that he had been tricked into buying a dead bird. I wondered aloud to my sons - who had scurried as far away as possible, doubtless to avoid possible infection - how the skit could have been made bird flu-friendly in our panic-stricken times.
I am no expert on bird flu but, to steal a line from Cleese, I know a dead parrot when I see one. In the face of weeks of bombardment by warnings and advice, the only part I feel capable of competently following is staying away from the variety that has shuffled off its mortal coil, gone to meet its maker or is pushing up the daisies.
All the rest is beyond my diagnostic skills, I am afraid. I have no idea what having bird flu feels like, to know when to ask my doctor for anti-virals; shunning markets to avoid contact with infected birds would mean starving; staying away from wild birds would force me to remain at home; and steering clear of people with suspicious coughs would involve migrating to a less polluted city.
What prompted my thoughts on Monty Python was the news last month that a South American parrot found dead in its cage in British quarantine had been confirmed as having the H5N1 bird flu virus. This was proof that bird flu had gone global.
Having spoken to some of the world's greatest minds on the subject - bird flu, not Monty Python - I can readily understand why Europeans and even US President George W. Bush are worried. Half of all humans who have contracted the virus after coming into contact with infected poultry have died.