I'm curious to know exactly what kind of an experience they'll have. As ADS tourists, they'll travel on highly regimented package tours. Flag-toting tour guides will be trailed by hordes of camera-toting travellers wearing matching baseball caps. I've heard these tours can be pretty brutal, cramming in dozens of sites and multiple cities in only a few days.

So I head to Chinatown and try to sign myself up on an ADS tour. The closest I can get is what seems to be a standard tour a few agencies are offering for GBP38 ($510) a day, with a Putonghua-speaking guide. The tour, run by Omega Travel, one of Britain's biggest Chinese-oriented travel agencies, offers a different itinerary every day. I opt for Monday, which features all London's tourist highlights - Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, the Houses of Parliament - 12 or so in all.

Monday, 9.40am. It's not a good sign when your tour bus shows up an hour late. I and 17 others have been told to meet at the front gate of Euston Station in North London 15 minutes before the 8.50am departure time. 'There will be no waiting after a grace period of 10 minutes; the driver will leave the location,' we were warned in an email. Finally, Zhang Lizhi , our tour guide, turns up.

He is not wearing a colourful, eye-catching uniform or carrying a red triangular flag. Instead, he looks like a college student. I find out later he is 23 and has been doing the job for two years.

There is already some grumbling. 'They should be waiting for the guests, they shouldn't be making the guests wait,' moans a man from Hunan named Chan, who climbs on board with his wife.

We're off. Ten minutes later we're at our first stop.

'This place is called Gezi Guangchang [Pigeon Square], but that's not the English name. Pigeon Square in English is called Trafalgar Square,' Mr Zhang tells the group.

He gives us a bare-bones rundown of the square's history, which is all over in less than five minutes.

I'm hoping for more commentary but it seems we now have free time. We stroll around, admiring the fountains and taking pictures. Soon the group is bored. Mr Zhang tells us to meet back in about an hour, and directs us into the National Gallery, facing Trafalgar Square.

Admission to the gallery, home to one of the world's greatest collections of European paintings, is free. Unfortunately, we're left to our own devices.

One elderly woman from Shanghai named Wong is annoyed. 'That tour guide should be speaking about this, but he doesn't know anything,' she says.

Ms Wong and her husband have been visiting their daughter, who is studying in Edinburgh. Unable to read the English-only captions, they race around the gallery's vast halls viewing as many of the paintings as they can.

At 10.55am, we crawl through the streets to Tower Bridge, where Mr Zhang points out landmarks, seemingly at random. Charing Cross train station, the BBC's offices, Waterloo Bridge, Waterloo Station.

Later in the day, we drive past Piccadilly Circus. Instead of telling us about its Shaftesbury Memorial fountain topped by a statue of Eros, the Greek god of love, he tells us that the neon Coca-Cola advertisement facing the square is the most expensive electronic billboard in Britain.

We don't get to walk across Tower Bridge, one of London's most famous landmarks. Mr Zhang instead takes us down to the riverbank, and reels off some more concise commentary.

'This is Tower Bridge. It opens in the middle,' he says, touching his fingertips together and raising them to illustrate his point. He points out the Tower of London, which houses the Crown Jewels, as well as some of the glass skyscrapers dotting London's skyline. To the far right is the Canary Wharf tower, which, he tells us, is the highest building in London. 'There are many bank towers in London because London is extremely rich,' he says.

As the day goes on, I discover Mr Zhang has a few annoying habits. He spends more than half the time talking on his mobile phone, which prevents us from asking him questions. And when he's ready to move on, he likes to stick his hand in the air, snap his fingers, and yell 'zou ba!' - let's go - to get us moving.

Mr Zhang tells us to meet back at the bus in 20 minutes, at noon, then wanders off to talk on the phone. I ask Mr Chan, the man from Hunan, what he thinks of the tour guide. 'Not professional,' he says, in English.

At 12.30pm, the bus drops us off in Chinatown, where Mr Zhang gives everyone an hour to eat.

The next stop is Westminster Abbey, which Mr Zhang says is 'is not the biggest church in England, but it has the highest status. Zou ba!'

Next to the Abbey are the grand, ornate Houses of Parliament and their famous clock tower. 'That's Da Ben Zhong,' Mr Zhang says, pointing to Big Ben. 'It's called Da Ben Zhong because it's named for one of its designers, who was also named Ben.'

Legend has it Big Ben was named after Sir Benjamin Hall, commissioner of works at the time.

But Mr Zhang tells me that when translated into Chinese, the word 'ben' also means stupid. 'It's a very stupid clock,' he says. 'There are two meanings. Zou ba!'

He takes us to Whitehall, the road leading from Parliament to Trafalgar Square. 'Whitehall is pretty much the equivalent of Beijing's Chang'an Jie,' he says, pointing out all the government buildings lining the street, such as the Treasury and Ministry of Defence. 'Zou ba!'

We continue on to Downing Street. The gated entrance to Prime Minister Tony Blair's residence is a big tourist attraction, but we don't get a closer look. 'Zou ba!'

We're off again, further up Whitehall and through the Horse Guards building, along the winding footpaths of St James's Park, and over to Buckingham Palace. Mr Zhang races ahead while others stroll casually. Everyone takes pictures in front of the palace gates. 'Zou ba!'

As we walk, I talk to some of the others in the group. Most are in Britain either for business or to visit relatives studying there. Mr Chan, from Hunan, is doing the tour with his five-year-old son and wife, a visiting scholar at a university in Wales.

Another man from Qingdao is in town for some meetings. I ask him what he thinks of London. 'It's OK,' he says.

Zhang Ying, 24, is in the capital on a training trip for the British company she works for in Shanghai. She's been on tour for two weeks already, and has already visited Paris and Edinburgh, which she says is prettier than London.

As we head to the bus, I assess the day. For what we paid, we got a tour that barely skimmed the surface of Britain's rich traditions and cultural heritage. We learned little, though we were shown, in relative comfort, some of the most famous landmarks in London.

But that's not what Chinese tourists are after, anyway. Industry officials and local media reports like to point out that Chinese tourists are among the biggest spenders.

Is that so? We pass a souvenir stand selling T-shirts, key chains, shot glasses, post cards and other tourist kitsch. I ask Zhang Ying if she's bought any British souvenirs yet.

'Those things are all made in China,' she says with a laugh.