My daughter is talking about lots of girls in her year having already had sex. She's in Year 10 and not yet 16. How should I react and should I be expecting her international school to do more to keep its students on the straight and narrow? My friends with children in high-band local schools say there's no such talk going on in their schools - why is there such a difference?
Teen coach Jaime Simpson, of Teen Success, responds:
You should feel encouraged that your daughter is open to talking to you about this. It shows she is very comfortable around you and still values your input about relationships.
Many girls are already sexually active by Year 10 and it is important for parents not to react emotionally. The way to keep an open relationship is to respond with respect for her having the confidence to open up and talk. This will draw you closer together and show your daughter that she can talk to you about other issues too.
The family rather than school should be the first contact for sex education. Many young people will remember more about what parents don't say about sex and relationships than what they learn in a biology textbook. Teenagers look to their parents and family to be mentors and guides or they will look elsewhere, such as movies, television and friends.
Parents should be the primary educators because there are no general standards and values about sex and relationships. Most schools will teach about the biology of sex and the consequences but mainly will stick to facts without guidance. It is parents who should pass on values, as well as set boundaries as to the hours they allow their teenagers to spend out of the home and the homes they visit.