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Suzanne Hermanoczki

'A problem shared is a problem halved'

- English proverb

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt frustrated, angry or annoyed with something or someone and all you wanted was to say what you mean, get everything off your chest and have a sympathetic ear listen to and share your problems?

One of the most difficult aspects of communication would probably be sharing your opinions, feelings and advice with others.

As you probably already know, speaking is an important communication skill, yet there's a world of difference between talking about a problem and actually giving advice and  suggestions on how to tackle it.

Here are some common phrases to help you express yourself clearly and get heard.

Giving advice or suggestions:

Examples:

should/ shouldn't

must/mustn't

must

giving advice

giving advice

saying what you believe is true

saying that you can't believe

something is true

You shouldn't work so hard.

You mustn't blame yourself.

You must ask for help.

I can't believe he said that!

We will often use the phrase 'if I were you' when giving advice.

Example:

If I were you, I'd talk to your parents.

OR

I wouldn't  worry so much, if I were you.

Also, when speaking, be direct with your feelings. By tackling the situation and your feelings head-on, the listener is able to better understand what has been going on  and give you appropriate advice and feedback.

Here are some common phrases to express how you feel.

Expressing emotions

Examples:

It makes me (so) angry/ annoyed/ happy/ sad/ delighted ...

It (really) bothers me/ It doesn't bother me at all ...

I get really mad/tired when ...

When you say what you mean, try to be as specific as possible about what you want, think or feel so that others understand you and your situation better.

One thing to keep in mind is active listening. When you are actively listening, you are actively making an effort to hear and respond to what the other person is telling you.

Remember, you don't have to agree with one another. By trying to openly communicate and actively listen to each other, you are not only showing understanding, but your value and respect for one another as well.

Exercise

Read the dialogue between two school friends Tim and John. Tim is talking about some problems he's having with his cousin, Jeffrey. Try to complete it with words and expressions used in the examples.

Tim: I a) ______ believe it! He only sleeps for five hours every night.

John: That's not good. He b) ______be really tired in the mornings.

Tim: Yeah, because he doesn't wake up till 3pm  and then goes out to play basketball and doesn't come home till past dinner time!

John: Why doesn't he come home to eat dinner in the evening with your family?

Tim: Well, he's on holiday and I think he just c) __________. All he does is sit around eating junk food all day and playing computer games in my room. It makes me d) _____.

John: Well, if e) ________ _ that much, you f) ______ say something to him.

Tim: No way! He's my cousin and my point is that he g ) ______ understand it's my room, too, without having to tell him. I can't even concentrate on my homework!

John: h) ________ __, I'd tell him how I feel and, in the meantime, you should try to do your homework in the mornings when he's sleeping.

Tim: i) ______ for your suggestions. I appreciate it.

Finally, here are some hints to help you express yourself better.

While listening, pick up on some points the other person has made

Include some of their viewpoints into the dialogue or conversation

Offer suggestions or solutions based on the speaker's facts and feelings

As a speaker, let the other person know you appreciate their suggestions by acknowledging their efforts

Answers

a) can't

b) must

c) couldn't care less

d) so angry

e) it bothers you

f) should

g) should

h) If I were you

i) Thanks



Learn to express yourself clearly