MONDAY Today is Hong Kong Dress-Up Day. Hundreds sponsor David S. Davies to put his suit back on, and in a superb team effort the Liberal Party rakes in the cash for its garishly embellished and heavily-disguised policies. The Chinese politburo declares the Christmas mail chaos 'unacceptable'. Sleeping mainland agents in Hong Kong are asked to prepare for an invasion of the territory. Several Hong Kong people get drunk. TUESDAY Winter solstice and the shortest day: socialite Tedd Marr declares the day 'too small for lunch' and extends his hangover to Wednesday. Chinese invasion is cancelled after sleeping agents say they cannot get the time off work. Their advice: invade 'after the sales and preferably on a bank holiday'. More people drink more. WEDNESDAY In-Action Mandarin, with grasping hands and eagle eyes, is Hong Kong's hit Christmas toy. It comes complete with a large budget surplus and a list of worthy social causes not to spend it on. The cost? 'A few miserable poor people, but nothing to lose sleepover,' said a spokesman for the manufacturer, Government House Products. The Hong Kong Bank unveils proposals for corporate management beyond 1997. 'All top positions will be hereditary,' a spokesman says. The sweeping change is designed to take advantage of new estate tax laws and stimulate child reproduction among the right people. The drinking continues. THURSDAY The Television and Entertainment Licensing Authority praises cable television for completely solving the problem of children watching adult shows after 9pm, for eradicating viewer complaints, and for abolishing advertisements. A spokesman for Xinhua news agency adds his own praise saying: 'Viewer-free cable television is a concept Hong Kong should get used to'. Many people, many drinks. CHRISTMAS EVE Last day of Christmas shopping. The Chinese politburo suspects the ensuing chaos in The Body Shop may be 'unacceptable'. Tsang Yok-sing is dispatched on reconnaissance but makes no report. Favourite Christmas present for husbands is 'The Old School Tie'. Its manufacturer, ICAC Products, claim 'its dazzling pattern will both attract large pensions and protect your man from embarrassing sexual harassment allegations'. Consumers all over the territory rush to buy. Drinking, drinking - much of it on departing aircraft. CHRISTMAS DAY Many people have a large hangover today. The day is made for thousands of Hong Kong expatriates as they open their presents and stare in wonder at their gifts, and for thousands of locals as they open their shops to stare in wonder at the empty shelves. Tsang Yok-sing, stunned at what consumers will pay for bath salts, launches a personal range of glamour products and places his first advertisement warning shoppers there are just 365 days to Christmas.