WELCOME to the first annual Lai See Christmas quiz and competition. Have you been awake this year? Or have you got the sort of job where you can snooze all day, like the person charged with finding insider traders? The quiz is just for fun, because we've got better things to do over Christmas than check through a load of complicated competition entries, and the answers are hidden somewhere inside today's Business Post. But there is a real competition at the end, with real prizes. Quoted WHICH high-flyer said in February: ''I think Hong Kong frankly as a community, and as a business community, is extremely naive about industrial relations issues''? Which building ''won't ever work as a hotel because there is a good supply of hotel rooms anyway in Hong Kong, so probably the only thing to do is knock it down''? Which Bigg mouth turned ''maximum bullish'' in October and then half-changed his mind in November? Which company was pleased to announce, even before the corpses were counted, that ''there will be no substantial financial impact on the group''? Celebrities WHICH Superman said: ''I am involved with Deng's son and will be involved in more ventures with him''? Which Dick flew out in a haze of mystery? A Baring Securities analyst described which morbid event as ''the last big buying opportunity before 1997''? Deals WHICH firm has spent $1.1 billion so that rich tourists can watch the TV sitting on the toilet and fly to Chek Lap Kok by chopper? Which city is building two 140-storey towers as the hub of its new commercial district? Who increased their options on the Future? Who paid US$395 million to make the price go to US$400 an ounce? Which firm saw profits Inch up 59 per cent with lots of help from car thieves? What was nearly worth one US cent? Naughty WHICH Singer paid US$95 million for a suit? Who have been waiting 14 years to get a Tan? A Lee-ding question: what was Operation Dapsone? Abroad CHINA had a million of them this year for the first time. What? What do Buddhist monks, film stars and tycoons have in common? What was a ''capitalist evil'' in 1949, but booming in 1993, with White Horse in the lead? What happened during the Asian Development Bank annual conference, when the ADB president was talking about the need for more power stations in Asia? Hint: the conference was in Manila. Who was forced to buy bonds? Weather report WHOSE profits dropped 42 per cent ''due to competitive pressure from imported beers and also the [cold] weather''? Which firm's profits increased 20 per cent because of cold weather? Predictions ACCORDING to brokerage James Capel, the light blue squares offered ''rental yield between six and 6.7 per cent''. What was it talking about? Which Cook said the Hang Seng Index would trade between 5,250 and 6,250 during 1993? Who said ''it would not be impossible'' for the Hang Seng Index to reach 8,000 if Britain and China stopped arguing? Sport, fitness WHO promised to jump into the harbour if his Hopes were not met? Which church official was diagnosed as having dementia? Politiczzzzz. . . HOW did members of the pro-business New Hong Kong Alliance boost their anti-Patten protest outside Legco in January? Who gave up Number 2 for $9.5 million? How could someone manipulate the Hang Seng Index by inviting a celebrity to a high-cholesterol lunch? Records WHO paid $3.5 billion for a Diamond? Who paid themselves a truly Sincere bonus? Who in the World of Trade had a record three simultaneous investigations, made a $380 million loss on foreign exchange, and finished the year with a 200-officer police raid? Comp time AND now the competition, with real prizes. Deacons, the lawyers who work late into the night trying to ensure that Lai See doesn't end up in court, have donated a copy of Free Speech for Me - But Not for Thee, a hilarious book on ''politically correct'' speech and much more, which we'll send off after we've finished reading it. The Post expense account has donated a Mao watch and other memorabilia, which you can wear in bed to commemorate the Great Helmsman. And Hongkong Telecom, now facing local competition for the first time, is donating a Hong Kong edition of the board game Monopoly. ''This is the only chance for our competitors to get something from us,'' the firm reckoned. To win, all you have to do is dream up the headline of the article least likely to appear in 1994, either in Business Post or the main paper. Closing date December 31, and Lai See's decision is final. If you're entering by fax please try to save the trees by using a small piece of paper and no cover sheet. Or you can leave a short message on the 565 2236 answering machine. Good luck!