'Our only child died, the pain is unbearable'

Two years ago, Shanghai resident Zhu Yang said goodbye to her 21-year-old son as he went off to help friends move furniture. Six hours later, the phone rang: his car had been involved in an accident and her only child had died. 'It was like the sky suddenly fell,' Ms Zhu recalled. 'For a year, I cried at the mention of my son. I was in a state of confusion. My husband and I quit our jobs because we couldn't handle work. We packed away all our son's stuff, even his pictures. We couldn't bear to see them.' In an attempt to get beyond the heartache, Ms Zhu joined Xing Xing Gang, or Starry Port, a support group for what an old proverb calls 'the grey-haired burying the black-haired'. Some 200 families belong; most have lost their only child. 'We answered the government's call and had only one child. Then suddenly this child died and we were left with nothing. That's part of the reason why the pain is so unbearable,' Ms Zhu said. 'If we gave birth to one more child many years ago, life wouldn't be that difficult because we would still have hope.' Beijing has hailed the success of its one-child policy as a programme that has prevented some 400 million births since the early 1980s, when it began to be enforced. But the success does not necessarily translate into happiness for those who abide by it, particularly if their only child dies. Children represent income, old-age support and emotional satisfaction for the family, and the mental trauma and financial burden of losing a sole child is much greater than in families with multiple children, according to a report commissioned by the United Nations. The report, drafted by Renmin University's Centre of Population and Development Studies, estimates that every year 2 million of the nation's 100 million only children under the age of 18 are injured and need medical care, raising the prospect of disability or death. For Ms Zhu, the loss of her son made life so unbearable that she considered committing suicide. 'I bought a knife and had been stocking up on sleeping pills. At the last minute when I was standing on the roof of my building and thought of jumping, I suddenly realised I shouldn't do this to my husband.' The mainland's family planning policy allows parents to have another child if their first born dies or is disabled. But in many cases, tragedy strikes too late for the parents to have another child. In Beijing, 73.1 per cent of 1,291 parents who met such tragedies in 2003 were older than 40, according to the report, 'Old-age Support in Only-Child Families'. Wu Peifang, a 49-year-old trading house clerk whose 16-year-old son died from an apparent heart attack one summer morning four years ago, tried to have another child, but had to give up after consulting a doctor. 'The doctor said that, physically, I could have another child, but that the child was very likely to have Down's syndrome or a heart problem. I didn't want that,' Ms Wu said. Adoption also was not a possibility because she was worried that she and her husband might not live long enough to raise the child. 'The ancient Chinese saying told us to raise a child to prepare for the days when we are old, but we can't adopt a child simply for that. It's too selfish,' Ms Wu said, adding the idea was common among her parents' circle of friends who had lost their child. Yang Peili, 55, said she felt like the living dead after losing her 25-year-old daughter to lymphatic cancer four years ago. The emotional loss was compounded by the lack of financial resources when her own health was failing. Without the 1,500 yuan that Ms Yang's daughter earned as a manager's assistant, Ms Yang and her husband have since had to live on a monthly retirement pension of 700 yuan, barely enough to cover the medical costs of treatment for Ms Yang's breast cancer and her husband's diabetes. 'We have spent our savings and the money donated by friends and relatives. I don't dare to think of the cost of the tests that I need to monitor my cancer,' Ms Yang said. Ms Wu also cannot bare to imagine how she will cope when she gets old and her health fails. 'I thought about it several times when my boy was still around, that I would get old and sick and my boy would be too busy with his own family and job to take good care of me. But at least he would visit me from time to time and help run errands,' she said. Under Shanghai's family planning policy, parents whose only child has died or been permanently injured can receive 5,000 yuan if they sign an agreement to not have another child. But the compensation applies only if the child was younger than 16 at time of death. The government's policy regarding the loss of an only child is 'cruel and inconsolable', said Chen Wei , the Renmin University professor who headed the team that conducted the UN report. He said families like Ms Zhu's and Ms Yang's, if ignored, would pose a threat to social stability. 'The unstable family structure was formed as a result of the government policy. Once the centre of the structure - the child - dies or becomes disabled and the family can't get any care or compensation, the loss of trust, support and understanding for the government will result in conflict and crisis,' Professor Chen wrote in his report. He urged the government to come up with a comprehensive plan to offer additional financial and emotional support on top of the existing social security net, such as a compulsory insurance plan for the sole child. 'The insurance fees for rural families can be paid by the government or public welfare funds. For urban families the fees can be shared between the family and parents' company,' Professor Chen said. China will gradually feel the huge pressure of old-age support as a by-product of the one-child policy, and the worst has yet to hit. Around 2020, the baby boomers born in the 1960s will need old-age care, according to Professor Chen. Academics critical of the one-child policy have been calling for a 'one-family, two-children policy', which Professor Chen said would not be realised before the next five-year plan (2011-2015). Until then, families with just one child can do nothing but hope their offspring outlive them.