Is it time to reconnect with your teenager? Here are five coaching skills to help. They're not simple because they ask parents to take a new approach, to let go of control, and to see that your child is becoming an adult.
Show you care
Teens don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. You can talk as much
as you like, you can try to share your experience and your point of view on things, but your teen won't hear you if they don't know first how much you care. How can you show that you care? First, listen without judgment to your teen. Teens are constantly being evaluated and compared. They're judged by their peers and by their teachers; they're examined with school tests; they feel as if they need to fit magazine images. Be a parent who doesn't make it difficult for your teenager to fit in with the family. Don't box or judge your teenager because as soon as you do they change. Secondly, ask permission to share your point of view. Often teenagers just need to let off steam - they actually don't want your opinion. Ask your teenager 'is this a time where you want me to listen, or do you want my point of view?' They'll tell you what they need from you.
Behave like a grown-up
Don't react with your teenagers' maturity level, but respond with your maturity level. Often in conversations and arguments, parents will react with the level of maturity that the teenager reacts with. For example, a teenager may respond by yelling, and blaming
you for all their problems and by making the conversation all about themselves. Don't react in the same way. Remember, you have 20 or so more years of maturity, self-esteem and confidence than your teen. Your identity should be secure. You've learnt how to deal with conflict; your teenager is still learning. Be the bigger person.