Bombarding your partner with questions may send them running. A better way to broach those difficult - and often unromantic - issues is to turn your questions into statements about yourself as a means to start a discussion, says Hong Kong relationship counsellor Julie Gallinat. Rather than asking how they feel about infidelity or whether they have debts, begin the discussion with some-thing along the lines of: 'My thoughts on infidelity are ...' or 'The things I'm not prepared to give up are ...' Gallinat says more can be learned from a person if they've initiated the conversation and 'are sharing with you what they want to share, rather than being interrogated'. People tend to be defensive when that happens. What if your partner's response isn't what you want to hear? Is it time to call off the wedding? No. When a couple reaches a 'your way or my way' struggle, it's often a sign of growth. 'The purpose is not to grow together or to become one,' she says. 'The purpose is to grow to be able to see your partner as completely separate from yourself and to be comfortable knowing that your partner has a different point of view. 'When two people are far apart on something, they need to be able to listen to each other about where their commitment to that idea comes from,' she says. 'Usually, it's rooted in childhood. Usually just by having compassion and empathy for the other, they change.'