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Ted Thomas

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THIS may seem like a study in domestic contentment in the Thomas household, but we've got news for media guru Ted - wife Nicola has been to see Keeping Posted with details of a new recipe book she is concocting.

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Not any old cook book, mind. Oh, dear no. This one is called - and brace yourselves, guys - Mrs Bobbitt's Cookbook. (Yes, that is the correct spelling).

Ever since the name ''Lorena Bobbitt'' appeared on the scene to haunt every hot-blooded male and send them scurrying to safety covering their nether regions at its very mention, ex-scribe Nicola's literary juices appear to have got working.

''This is no country farm granny's stove secrets,'' warns Nicola sweetly. ''It is sure to set the alarm bells ringing around the Champagne Bar and the Captain's Bar where scores of husbands are 'working late' every night.'' From what we've seen so far the book appears to be short on main dishes and a bit heavy on desserts - spotted dick . . . crushed nuts on ice cream . . . etc. But Nicola, who is searching for a publisher, tells us she's working on it.

But we warned, chaps. Nearly every recipe starts with the positively menacing instruction: ''Take one Kenwood mixer . . .''

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