'Ladies and gentlemen, if I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.'
Before you start thinking Coppertone has bought out Channel hop, it should be clarified that these are the opening lyrics to the song Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), a 1999 cult classic released by Australian director Baz Lurhmann.
The lyrics have been erroneously attributed to American writer Kurt Vonnegut when, in fact, they were written in 1997 by Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich as the graduation speech she would give if ever asked.
I stumbled across this gem in the wild thicket of my iTunes library, and it is rapidly rising to the top of my MP3 player's 'most played' list.
Here are some snippets from the song/speech that relate to the programmes you might watch this week: 'Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.'
TV is rife with shows featuring trashy dysfunctional families: take classics such as The Simpsons, Married With Children and Shameless. They provide plenty of laughs - and we can all feel good about our less-screwed-up lives. Add money to the mix and suddenly we're unsure whether to be disparaging or envious.
