Giordano smells money in market gallows humour The gallows humour that inevitably accompanies tough times like these is being turned into a money-making opportunity by clothing retailer Giordano International. The firm will launch a series of Halloween T-shirts next week that reflect the gruesome goings-on in the financial world. The five shirts feature some of the companies that have suffered their own horror stories in the last few weeks - only with some judicious misspellings to keep the lawyers at bay. There are two 'Layman Brothers' shirts, one with a couple of grim reapers and the other with two bleeding mummies. The 'Merirll Lynch' shirt depicts the famous bull logo as having been sliced up at the slaughterhouse with blood on the floor, while the AIG shirt has the middle letter obscured by a bloody skull. The fifth shirt is 'Haunted House' that includes signs for 'Freddie Mad', 'Fannie Mea' and 'WaMa'. At HK$120 each, they are sure to become collectors' items and could make the perfect gift to cheer up minibond holders ... or give them more nightmares. Hot product, horrible stock While Giordano's product is likely to be hot, its share price is not. This week it has tumbled to an 11-year low, closing at HK$1.45 yesterday. In other words, you could buy 82 Giordano shares instead of picking up one of its new hip T-shirts. A year ago, the same T-shirt would only have got you 30 Giordano shares. Now, that is scary. Be a hippie and be happy ... There is plenty of advice out there in cyberspace on how to survive the credit crunch, but one of the most interesting we have come across so far is to turn the clock back 40 years or so and become a hippie. The advice comes with a list of dos and don'ts to achieve 'hippiedom' that include: Join a squat. If you have a mortgage you can't pay, don't worry about foreclosure. In fact, the more foreclosures the better, as this increases the housing stock available for squatting. Don't cut your hair and cut your costs. Having long hair saves money and is warmer in winter. Don't shave. Razor blades, shaving cream and other body hair removers such as leg waxing kits and the like are all products of the decadent and throw-away consumer society which is destroying the world's rainforests and your credit rating. Give peace a chance. Supporting hippie pacifist defence policies could save billions for national economies. Go to India. You might be able to get a job in a call centre. Or return to feudalism If you don't fancy becoming a hippie, then how about this piece of advice that landed in Lai See's mailbox? Following the collapse of communism and now the collapse of capitalism, we should go back to an older system that has already been tried and tested - feudalism. Remember: it's your count that votes. More meltdown jokes And finally, please keep the financial meltdown jokes coming. Here are a few more to see you through the weekend. I went to the ATM this morning and it said: 'insufficient funds'. I'm wondering is it them or me? Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back. What is the definition of optimism? An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening. I've had terrible financial problems during the credit crunch, but I'm getting back on my feet again. My car has been repossessed.