MONDAY THREE ageing rock stars win an 11th hour reprieve against forced deportation to obscurity. The three claim refugee status saying not all their albums have been deleted. 'We are currently checking rumours that they may have fans still alive in the United States,' a refugee lawyer said. In related developments, Jethro Tull, Lindesfarne and Jerry And The Pacemakers have all been screened out.
TUESDAY A SQUAD of Hong Kong Chinese watch Princess Anne sail past for the last time before she is disbanded forever in the run-up to 1997. 'It is a time of sadness,' one said, 'But the point is, we never needed her anyway.' She is the third British royal family unit to be scrapped after the Yorks and the Wales took the initiative to disband themselves earlier last year.
WEDNESDAY 'Honestly I'm Straight'. The numbers are swollen by the presence of 'wives', 'girlfriends' and walkers. 'This is a message to Hong Kong people - we are proud to be gay,' says the organiser of the event, who wishes to remain anonymous.
THURSDAY HONG KONG'S elevator lobbies are packed with frustrated cinema-goers after a newspaper advertisement for Steven Spielberg's new film Schindler's List is mis-printed. Warren Christopher spends 20 minutes discussing human rights with Deng Xiaoping before aides inform him that he is, in fact, visiting the Mao Mausoleum. Later, he describes his mistake as 'understandable', adding he had expected the paramount leader to be a little cold and unresponsive.
FRIDAY MORE bad news for beleaguered promoter Andrew Bull who announces the cancellation of the proposed 'Pray-in-at-the-stadium' starring the Reverend Jesse Jackson. The last minute pull-out follows similar withdrawals by superstar Michael Jackson, his sister Janet, Welsh Olympic hurdles star Colin Jackson, local interior designer Simon Jackson, and Jacksonville hijacker Jumping Jack 'Jack' Jackson, Jr.
SATURDAY SPEECH therapy clinics are packed with frustrated cinema-goers after a newspaper advertisement attempts to promote the film Schindler's Lisp. Film pundits describe the error as 'prepothteruthh'.
