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SCMP Reporter

Dear Toni
 Is it OK to talk to an ex? 
Wannabe friend
Dear mature one
The decision to keep in touch with a former boy or girlfriend depends on the circumstance of your break-up. Obviously, if things ended badly for whatever reason, chances are that you are going to want to move on in separate ways and avoid any contact with each other for a very long time to come. 
But if your reasons for separating were more to do with realising that you had just drifted apart, or perhaps that one of you was moving to a different country, then I think it's not only 'OK' to talk, but actually worth keeping in touch, and staying friends. 
You may need to take a little time for your relationship to shift into friendship mode though, and it may feel a little unnatural at first. But ultimately you might find that you were meant to be friends all along, and you may come to discover a whole new side to your ex's character that you never had access to when you were a couple. 
The resentment that often comes with ending a relationship can eat you up - starting a new phase in your relationship is a difficult task if you are consumed with hatred and anger. If you can make peace with one another, this may help you be at peace  with yourself, and  make the whole process of breaking up so much less painful. 
I think  sometimes we  just know whether or not  we want to carry on talking to someone - and I think you should trust your instincts. We tend too often to worry about what is or is not commonly accepted. But there is no rule  which dictates this behaviour.  
While it's worth listening to other people's advice, and seeking guidance from those who care, ultimately it's your choice,  and I'm sure you'll make the right one. 
Dear Josh
 My feet are growing exponentially - I'm only 11, and I'm already a size 9 - or an 11 in US sizes! Help!  
Bigfoot
Dear Grounded
Dude - relax! Do you  know how many boys your age would give anything for any part of them to be growing faster? Some people sprout up young, some people remain small until they hit their late teens. Some of us are long-legged, some are short-armed and some, like you, have big feet.  
But it's nothing to be  ashamed, worried or upset about.  There's nothing weird  or abnormal about your feet growing fast, even if the rest of you is still catching up.  
Our  bodies sometime choose to act in ways we can't control, and occasionally may not like. You're entering a peak age  for growth and change, and your body is very likely to carry on behaving in  unexpected ways for a few years to come. But that's OK. 
What's great about your 'dilemma' is that it suggests you're going to be handy on the basketball court - lots of guys who have big feet grow tall. Second, it's possible your feet have finished growing - any shoes you buy now are going to last you much longer than your friends who have yet to sprout. 
Be proud of your body, even your yeti feet - they'll take you far in life, and probably faster than other people!  
Dear Josh 
 I'm a girl and my best guy friend's girlfriend is trouble with a capital 'T'. She's very insecure and has  forbidden him  from hanging out with me or other girls, so we have to hang out behind her back.
I hate being sneaky but it seems like he'll never get rid of her. He's madly in love with her and although he complains about her all the time, I don't think he'll ever break up with her. This saddens me, as I think he'd be much happier with another type of girl. Should I tell him? (And no, I don't want him for myself!)
Third Wheel
Dear Wheely
Ah, the classic girlfriend vs best girl friend showdown. 
It sounds like you're trying to ask him to break up with his girlfriend. Forget it. The brutal truth is that we'll always choose the girl we're in love with over the girl (space) friend. It's like how some girls are attracted to jerks. He'll only break up with her if he wants to, not because you've convinced him to. 
But all is not lost. If this issue is burning your soul, you should tell him directly as any friend would. Speak out of genuine concern, and be patient, and he will have a hard time dismissing your advice immediately. 
As for hanging out with him behind her back,  try to avoid this. It might be easy but dishonesty always has a way of biting  you in the butt later on. 
You could calm her fears of you by making an effort to befriend her instead - there must be a reason he loves her so much! If it makes you feel too much like a 'third wheel', bring another guy friend - or ask your buddy to provide one.



ask toni & josh