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SCMP Reporter

JULIE SHI is Chinese. But she thinks Western men make the best lovers. Her view has Sydney's Chinese men in uproar.

  Shi, 29, the former literary editor of Shanghai's Wen Hui Bao newspaper, made her comparisons in the first edition of the Sydney-based Chinese language magazine Great World.

  Numerous complaints followed. Only about 15 per cent of the letters supported her - they were from women. So, Great World 's editor, Frank Ye, held a forum at which 500 Chinese men took the chance to roundly abuse their critic.

  Shi, who went to Sydney on a student visa in 1989 and now has permanent residence, is turning her attentions to Chinese women in the May edition of Great World. It looks set to create more controversy; she says Chinese women are tragic - they don't know men can respect them.

  The extract below is from Shi's controversial article, Married to an Australian - Blissful? She is now separated from her Australian husband and has another Western boyfriend - this time, a Frenchman.

 MIXED marriages between Orientals and Westerners are the talk of the town at the moment. The main reason I was invited to write this article is that my husband is a blonde, green-eyed Australian boy.

  From my viewpoint, the relationship between me and my Western husband is mainly one of human interaction, it carries no typical stereotypes usually associated with an East-West marriage.

  We have problems between us, the usual problems, not cultural conflicts. I have chosen a Westerner to be my husband and there is nothing unnatural about that.

  When I was still living in China, I had this feeling that I was born in the wrong place. Whether in terms of thinking or lifestyle, I am a very Westernised person. I studied more Western than Chinese books and literature.

  After I arrived in Australia, one Western friend said I was even more Westernised than Westerners, and it was hard to believe that such a unique breed existed among the Chinese, especially Chinese women.

  I always believe if a woman treats sex as a kind of suffering, that is self-deprecating behaviour. Because if a woman behaves passively, so that making love becomes an enjoyment only for men, the wrong impression is created.

  A healthy human sexual relationship is one of mutual enjoyment. Women and men alike can experience the highest level of life through joyous sex. It is not a matter of suffering.

  At the same time, I realise so-called feudalism and conservatism are, to a certain extent, a creation of China's chauvinistic society. That society has, for ages, put into women's heads the idea that making love is only a means of reproduction and satisfying men.

  A lot of Chinese men often completely neglect the needs of women. Social norms have also placed a lot of pressure on women - whoever talks about sex and sexual joy must be a whore.

  I have met some middle-aged women who married in China, some even have children, and they never knew sex was supposed to be enjoyed until they did it with Western men; they then suddenly discovered that there is a whole new world out there.

  These traditional-looking women even start discussing sex with friends, talking about joy between the sheets.

  I have a friend who is considered an extremely liberated woman in China and is a woman with experience. Still, when she had sex with a Western man for the first time, she couldn't help realise what she had been missing.

  She phoned me and said she was so overwhelmed that she wanted to marry that Western man straight away. But I calmed her down and told her men with fantastic sexual techniques could be found everywhere, at least eight out of 10 were fantastic, two so-so, while two out of 10 Chinese men were so-so, eight were terrible.

  Then my friend said: ''Judging from that, I feel sorry for the [Chinese] men.'' Then I immediately corrected her: ''It is the Chinese women you should feel sorry for.''   I have the feeling this so-called feudalism and conservatism is already fixed in the subconscious of women, but the sexual inadequacy of men is also a reason - if men cannot keep women happy, they will obviously feel that since they gain nothing from sex, it becomes a kind of suffering and improper behaviour.

   I have often heard Chinese men lamenting that Chinese women are not as liberated as Western women. I wonder if they have ever thought why this is so.

  A male-female relationship needs effort on both sides. The differences in bodies and abilities between Oriental and Western people cannot be changed, but they can both share a culture, and the art of making love is part of a culture.

  Westerners have always been interested in the Chinese ancient sexual techniques, so modern Chinese men have nothing to lose from learning Westerners' ways of love making from them.

  Perfect sex can enhance the love and relationship between married couples and lovers.

   I think a lot of Chinese people who married Westerners also feel that even though Westerners lead a liberal life, they are normally innocent at heart and won't hide their true feelings. Their love for their loved ones glows, even in front of other people.

  A lot of Chinese couples are also very loving at home, but in front of other people they are extremely formal and proper. Some husbands who fear their wife at home act tough and chauvinistic in public.

  I remember visiting a Chinese couple once, when were bidding our farewells my husband opened the car door for me before going to the driver's seat.

  I overheard the envious Chinese wife saying: ''Her husband is so nice to her.'' I immediately realised that her husband never did that.

  Of course, there are cultural differences and we need not always iron out these differences. For example, Western couples always say thank you to each other.

  However, the Chinese find this hard to get used to because according to Chinese traditions, the closer a person is, the less politeness is required to show their intimate relationship.

  If mixed couples do encounter problems over cultural differences, the Chinese wife or husband can explain to the spouse how the Chinese deal with matters according to their traditions and customs. I believe the spouse will understand that, and will not say the Chinese is impolite.

  Communication and interaction are the first step, if both partners become mutually understanding through reasoning, then mixed marriages can be even more successful and blissful.

     If men cannot keep women happy, they [women] will obviously feel that since they gain nothing from sex, it becomes a kind of suffering and improper behaviour 



Why a Chinese girl says Western men are best