NAME: The cockroach AGE: 350 million years old, this Tuesday.
NATURAL HABITAT: The British call it a colony, the Chinese call it a Special Administrative Region - but why quibble over names? The cockroach invaded Hong Kong long before the British and Chinese began squabbling. Their armies have successfully annexed every oven, fridge, cupboard, sock drawer, computer, chair, bed-base, floor, ceiling and window frame. We do not know how to pronounce the word which our cockroach masters have assigned to this occupied territory - we only know that in cockroach language it means: huge-buffet.
STRENGTHS: The only living thing to survive atom tests on Christmas Island.
WEAKNESSES: Poor social skills: it rarely knocks before entering, over-stays its welcome, eats all your Baygon, spurns your roach-motel in favour of your bed, harasses your amah and expects to shower with your wife.
COCKROACHES REALLY MAKE IT IN HONG KONG BECAUSE: They share the same family work ethic. They don't mind eating other roaches. They are happy living in dark, dank, cramped holes and, above all, they believe in the same tenet of life as other Hong Kongers: that is, there is such a thing as a free lunch.
A COCKROACH WOULD PROBABLY HAVE WON THE BATH ELECTION BECAUSE: It has no natural urban jungle enemies. And when a roach says it can walk on water and even fly - it is telling the truth.
HOW CAN YOU AVOID ROACHES? Hide in the deep freeze.