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How much would you pay for cosmetic surgery? How about US$1,000 for a little liposuction to shift those stubborn 'love handles'? Or US$5,000 for some pneumatic new breasts (which are not just for women, apparently)?
If you're like one of the surgery addicts who agreed to be filmed for Louis Theroux: Under the Knife (BBC Knowledge; Thursday at 10pm), you'd pay up to US$50,000 for several procedures. But obviously you'd be a sad individual with low self-esteem.
You'd also be prepared to pose in your underwear in front of a mocking British-American television journalist, a film crew and several million viewers. Which is one of the most baffling aspects of this documentary: if the subjects have got such a poor self-image, why are they displaying their deformed features so readily and to so many?
There's no logic attached to the decisions made by people such as Adriana, the receptionist of one of the Californian cosmetic surgeons who agreed to take part in this programme. The young mother is a very slim, attractive blonde who slathers on make-up a circus clown would envy and who's had a tummy tuck, liposuction on her thighs and 'flanks' (the bits of flesh on your lower back, just above your hips) and a breast 'alignment'. You can't help thinking the 26-year-old could have sweated a bit more at the gym before risking her life by agreeing to have her flesh sliced open.
Then there's Adrian, who, according to his surgeon, wants 'muscles like Schwarzenegger's' but who already has breasts like Pamela Anderson's thanks to the same medic.
Theroux (far right) doesn't hold back when it comes to asking tough questions. In all his documentaries, the lanky, floppy-haired, bespectacled journalist manages to get his victims onside with a disarming blend of empathy and disingenuousness.
If you like your medical professionals to be ethical and heroic and, let's face it, most of them are by definition, you should meet Dr Hank Lawson, in Royal Pains (Star World; Tuesdays at 8pm).
Be warned: this is about as far removed from the likes of ER or House as a lobotomy is from a cracked metatarsal.
Due to his diligence and professionalism, the handsome young doc manages to get himself fired and blacklisted from every hospital in the United States, leaving him unable to 'even be a school nurse'. Abandoned by his beautiful fiancee, unemployed and broke, he's persuaded by his flakey younger brother, who excels at sports such as 'extreme social climbing', to attend a party in the Hamptons, New York's playground for the rich and famous. While there, the good doctor stumbles upon a Mr Big of the criminal underworld (as only fictional doctors in glamorous dramas do), who makes him an offer he may or may not refuse.
Will Dr Down-on-his Luck set aside his morals, at least until the final episode of this brand new series? You might want to find out, or you might opt for some general anaesthetic instead. It will have a similar effect.
