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SCMP Reporter

Dear Toni
My parents are threatening to not pay for university anymore because of  the person I'm dating. They don't think I should be dating her because of their own beliefs, and I feel really bad now. I love my partner but I really need the money for university. 
I'm so upset and I don't know how to respond to the situation. I love my parents but I don't agree with their terms. What should I do? 
Parentally restrained
Dear Split
Talk about being stuck on the horns of a dilemma! These kinds of decisions are never easy - and they're even harder when you're dependent on someone else, or a third party is brought into the equation.
What is it your parents don't like about your girlfriend? Have they met her? Have you tried to explain how happy you are dating her, and why she makes you happy?
If you answered 'yes' to the last two questions and your folks remain unpersuadable, I'm afraid you're not going to like what I'm going to say. 
I know right now it seems like this girl you're dating could be the person you spend the rest of your life with. And maybe she is. But the fact is, unless you suddenly come into a lot of money in your own right, or your parents wake up one morning and change their minds about your girlfriend, you can't have it both ways. 
If you're academically inclined, university can be very important step on your journey to adulthood. You will hone your scholastic abilities, learn deductive and reasoning skills, practise putting forward persuasive arguments to defend your point of view and research and write essays on topics that really interest you. 
What's more, it's a really great social experience. Being a semi-independent individual, having to make adult decisions and, if you're living away from home, learning to look after yourself, are all part of the tertiary education experience.
In other words, I don't think university is something you want to miss out on.
Without being condescending, your 'big love' may not be all it's cut out to be. I'm sure you're dating a wonderful person, but I don't know that it's worth putting your life on hold, at such a young age, for the sake of a girlfriend. 
Like the (really old) song lyrics go, breaking up is hard to do, but I really think, in this case, staying in a relationship could stifle you and limit your chances in the future. You may even come to resent this girl if you miss out on university and the relationship doesn't pan out as planned. 
You're going to meet all sorts of cool new people at university, and who knows, maybe one of them will turn out to be your soulmate. And anyway, you haven't said your parents are preventing you from keeping in touch - I'm firmly of the belief that what will be will be. If you are meant to be with this girl for the long haul, you'll reconnect after university.
Don't miss out on the chance of a lifetime - and don't alienate your parents - just to make a point. Take the opportunity your parents are offering, and see where life leads you. 
Dear Toni
My parents are driving me crazy. I'm 17 and I still have to ask for their permission before I go out with my friends. I have a curfew, which is fine, but it's 9pm. I just want to have some fun with my girls at the movies and dessert after dinner, but that seems impossible. 
I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but every time we end up having a horrendous fight and I'm sick of it. What can I do?
Chained
Oh ye of limited access
The trials and tribulations of living under your parents' roof. Unfortunately, until you pay the rent, it can be difficult to persuade your parents that anything other than 'by their rules' is a workable way to live. 
Hopefully you can at least understand your parents' concern: there are often stories of young people getting into trouble, being found injured - or worse - in dark alleys/deserted playgrounds/building sites. Parents worry for a good reason - they put a lot of effort into taking care of you, and every minute you're out of their sight is a minute they can't protect you.
It's sweet, really.
That being said, it doesn't sound like you hang around a particularly daring or rebellious group of friends. Perhaps the way to win your parents over is to introduce them to your gang. If possible, ask if you can have one or two of them round for dinner. 
Or you could - and this should help them see that you don't want to go and get drunk, but really do want to spend quality time with quality people - ask your mum to come along to one of these girls' nights out. Sure, you'll have to be on their best behaviour, but at least it might soften your folks' resolve. Good luck!



ask toni & josh