John says ...

John Brennan

Rachel captures the excitement, and disappointments, of dating extremely well. It takes a real talent to make a reader feel as excited, scared or sad as a character does.

At the moment, the essay tells quite a simple story. The plot focuses on Juliet's date with the charming Romeo, and the revelation that he is, in fact, a 'bad guy'.

To me, the message is: strangers are dangerous and parents are always right. However, I think Rachel's story might be even more interesting if she looked a little more deeply at the relationship between Juliet and her mum.

The issue of trust between mother and daughter is brought out by Romeo and his behaviour. But he, and Juliet's date with him, are really just catalysts. Although it is originally a scientific word, or term, a catalyst is also used in English to describe a person or an event that causes something else to happen.

Also, when Juliet's mum mentions the damaging effect falling in love would have on her daughter's studies, this sounds like something the mother believes in general. In other words, it's not specifically to do with Romeo. Therefore, it might be a little too convenient that the mother's fears are immediately proved right by Romeo's behaviour.

And, since life and human nature are never entirely straightforward, what if both Juliet and her Mum are wrong in their different ways? Stories that create difficult situations for more than just one of their characters, and force them to face up to these problems, are often stronger.


In other words, my suggestion is to make the story a little deeper, and reveal a little more about the characters.

Here's a very simple version of what I mean.