NAME: The BOTs (Blobbys on Tour). REAL NAME: Mrs and Mrs Kevin Sharples from Aldershot, Britain, married daughter Michelle, 19, and son Lee, 15. NATIONALITY: Very, very, very British. WHERE TO FIND THEM: Queuing, always queuing. Often for food, sometimes for the sake of it, but most commonly for the number six bus to Stanley from the Star Ferry, Hong Kong side. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Stretch. Naaah!!! BUT SERIOUSLY: Large limbs dripping with spare skin, vast swathes of pink flesh, even in the middle of winter; a peculiarly British combination of cheery optimism and relentless resignation. They queue for the bus with gung ho pessimism, because after all, everyone says Stanley ain't what it was. But you have to go, don't you? MUM WEARS: A flowered sundress that's worn so thin you can read a newspaper through it, designer logo vests and T-shirts, coolie hats, sandals or flip-flops (that's 'thongs' to Aussies), slicks of yet-to-evaporate sunblock. DAD WEARS: Sandals or Clark's shoes with black or purple socks, shorts, short-sleeved polyester shirt. Video camera welded to shoulder. MICHELLE FAVOURS: The nostalgia effect, circa Human League videos 1983. Peroxide on brown coiff, boob tube, stretch jeans/Spandex, battered black pumps. LEE PREFERS: The Home Counties home boy look; oversized jeans, Adidas or Puma trainers, a football shirt in nylon which proves hugely uncomfortable and provokes mottled skin and sullen demeanour - as it is, he doesn't want to be there in the first place. NATURAL HABITAT: Either they strike it rich and unwittingly get a good hotel thrown in with their cruise package, or they stay in Wan Chai/North Point discounters. Star Ferry. Peak Tram. Harry Ramsden's. Marks & Sparks (even though they end up paying three times what they would at home). Doing the human pinball on the ladder streets. Stanley Main Street pubs. The Dickens Bar. Jardine's Bazaar, Causeway Bay. UNNATURAL HABITAT: Nathan Road copy-watch shopping ('it's across the water'), Lau Fau Shan on one of those lightning New Territories tours, and Shenzhen to see the famous number 19 ceramics factory. LEGACY: Slack jaws and bulging eyes in local Hong Kong Chinese whose faces set into a rictus of disbelief when Mum walks by, vast bosom clearing all in her path. MOST LIKELY TO SAY (1): 'The food's just not the same. I mean, I like a Chinese every now and then at home, but the stuff they gave us on that Harbour tour yesterday ... Who's on for Harry Ramsden's tonight? At least they have forks.' MOST LIKELY TO SAY (2): 'Ooh, I'd love a cup of tea. English tea, mind. Not that wotchamacallit Yasmin stuff.' ICONOGRAPHER
