What I really like about Anna's story is the authorial voice she uses - in other words, the style of speech Anna gives her narrator. A Day with My Prince is written exactly like the sort of breathless report a very excited teenager would give to her friends - or maybe to the readers of her internet blog - after such a thrilling and emotional day. While this sort of conversational style wouldn't be appropriate for a more serious tale, it fits perfectly here. If you wrote a crime or horror story like this, you would be more likely to give your readers the giggles than the shivers. Then again, that might be the effect you are trying to achieve. Choosing the right tone is very important - it can strengthen or weaken any story. Turning to the events that make up the story, rather than the way that story is told, I wonder if the narrator's hopes and disappointments during her big day couldn't be emphasised a little more. And maybe if she had someone (possibly a friend?) to share her excitement with, it would make the reasons she comes to believe she's really Prince James' princess even clearer. Let me give you an example of what I mean.