At the mention of a steamed bun, the banned author covers his face before saying: 'I don't really want to talk about it.' Tears trickle out from under Xie Chaoping's hands and down his ruddy cheeks.
After 20 seconds, the 55-year-old takes a deep breath and says: 'As a man, I shouldn't cry like this. But I cannot help it whenever thinking about the cold bun. I felt I was weak.'
Out of detention after 30 days for publishing a self-funded book, Great Migration, that disclosed the predicament of migrants and the corruption of officials during relocations to make way for the Sanmen Gorge dam in the 1950s, Xie sits on a sofa in his newly rented flat in west Beijing, trousers flapping loosely 'like a skirt', he jokes. He is at least 5kg lighter.
One evening during his five consecutive days of five to seven hours of interrogation in Linwei police station in Weinan , Shaanxi province, he returned to his cell after 7pm, too late for dinner. A 17-year-old suspected thief crawled over to him and said: 'Uncle Xie, haven't you eaten? We were given two steamed buns for dinner and I kept one for you.'
Xie took the cold bun, stood up, turned and looked at the wall. One bite and his emotions exploded. His wife, Li Qiong , says he has broken down at least 20 times since his release on bail on September 17.
'I have been crying a lot over the bun and my wife,' Xie says.