At the very least, you want to know if your condom is real

Some 700,000 ultra-thin condoms disappeared on their way from Malaysia to Japan last week. Sagami Rubber Industries found a container empty and its locks replaced when it arrived in Tokyo. A Malaysian police spokesman said: 'We take the matter of the missing condoms very seriously.'

And so he should. But I am less concerned. Although a criminal act was committed, it may yet lead to some good or at least not something worse.

You think I am being perverse? Believe it or not, there is an active black market for condoms in Asia, fuelled by counterfeiters from China and elsewhere in the region. There are two ways they get their low-cost condoms. One is by making substandard condoms themselves. That's what happened when mainland police seized two million condoms lubricated with spoiled vegetable oil - yuk - in 2009.

Another way for condom criminals - who enjoy high profit margins - to make money is to steal them. And I definitely prefer this breed. Okay, I don't condone the theft of condoms, but at least the end users, no matter how much they pay for them, get the real thing.

Given the average condom model has been vigorously tested - by being filled with water, stretched to the limit, punctured with tiny holes, electrocuted, left exposed to the sun to see how they 'age' - you really want to be using one of these. The last thing you want to be worrying about during such romantic moments is whether your condom was really made in China.