THE Star Ferry booze cruises might be parties of the past, but the Ritz-Carlton has come up with an alternative almost guaranteed to leave its guests under the repro-antique tables. The hotel is offering as much Moet and Chandon in the Club bar as you can even imagine drinking, with a harbour view room to collapse into afterwards, for $1,388 a couple. Unlimited cognac, cocktails and all other drinks are also free. With a free massage thrown in, the Champers package is being advertised as an opportunity for residents to blot out the stressful reminders of job responsibilities: it appears to be an opportunity to blot out everything. Fortunately Bloody Marys are also free. But do we hear echoes of the infamous UK Hoover promotion where people bought GBP100 worth of vacuum cleaners and - to the ultimate horror of the shareholders - the company rewarded them with free flights across the Atlantic? According to our calculations, with bottles of Moet usually priced at $800, it means that after less than two bottles of bubbly the room comes free. After three it begins to spin, and after four, if you can still focus well enough to work out the sums on your fingers, you are well into the black. We called up the duty manager at the Ritz-Carlton to ask just how they could make a profit. ''It's always a bit of a risk when you have a free bar,'' admitted Vincent Yeung. ''But some people will drink a lot, and others will just have a few glasses for fun, so it should all even out.'' Up in the usually hushed top floor Club bar, manager Rachel Knaggs and her staff were looking forward to a bit of a party. She said the hotel had hosted the New Zealand Rugby Sevens team in March. ''But they were really well-behaved,'' she said, sounding just a hint disappointed. She said lawyers tended to be the biggest drinkers, with Japanese guests - who often like an Asahi beer before breakfast - the earliest.