Rent a royal welcome

ESTONIA likes to call itself the Hong Kong of the former USSR. This tiny Baltic state has been kicked around between imperial powers for centuries and narrowly avoided falling back into the clutches of Russia which still bases some increasingly unpopular troops there.

Its people are well educated, materialistic and very industrious. There are at least some parallels between the Baltic and the South China Sea.

It is to help avoid itself falling into the clutches of Russia that tiny Estonia has now made an appeal to Britain - could it please send the Queen's youngest son, Prince Edward, to be monarch and lead Estonia on to a brilliant future.

It was delightful to see Prince Edward, now demonstrating his convinced heterosexuality through his relationship with Sophie Rhys-Jones and no doubt thinking in dynastic terms, approached to fill such a prestigious role.

The offer actually came from the sizeable Royalist Party of Estonia whose leader, Kalle Kulbok, commented: ''A British Royal on the throne of Estonia would link us closely with Britain, a democracy we would like to emulate. It would above all be a great protection against future Russian attempts to conquer us again.'' For a while the letter caused serious confusion among Baltic State diplomats in London, but it was sadly given short but humorous shrift by Buckingham Palace which indicated that Prince Edward was not for hire or even permanent loan.

Mr Kulbok claimed his country needed the Prince because although he flunked out of Royal Marines training he was still youthful and was absolutely devoted to the arts. He used to work for Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's company, after all.