THIS town positively seethes with potential conflicts of interest, and we're all susceptible to them. Including yours truly. Given the fact I've lately been popping up on the telly embarrassedly rapping the words 'great entertainment never stops on Pearl', this might be an appropriate time to play things straight down the middle critically. No critical swipes or gripes here, then.
Well, maybe just a couple.
TODAY Never, stops, never stops, The Running Man (Pearl, 9.30 pm) never stops. Promised myself I wouldn't do that. Mind you, this is a pretty silly film - it even features a cameo from Mick Fleetwood, for Pete's sake - but one which sits fairly and squarely under the heading 'great entertainment'. Big Arnie S. stars as a convict, framed on murder charges, who 'stars' in a game show in which he is hunted through future-shock Los Angeles by theme killers. The film is meant to be a statement on our thirst for sensationalism, but ends up as just another fast-paced, explosive bad-taste thriller. Yaphet Kotto and Maria Conchita Alonso co-star.
MONDAY Up next, the best film of the week. Were it not for Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Western sensibilities, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Pearl, 9.30 pm) would never have turned out to be as much fun as it is. Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach swagger through a cynical Civil War-era America in search of lost treasure, double-crossing, two-timing and killing, but the best thing about the movie is its direction, which like the score, is highly stylised and quite memorable.
TUESDAY Ooh, that Harrison Ford. Not only has he starred in something like 3,000 of the top 10 box office grossers, but he also appears in good films. Witness (Pearl, 9.30 pm) is undoubtedly one of them. Ford is the big-city detective who infiltrates the Amish community to protect a young boy who has witnessed a murder. This is as much a movie about the meeting of cultures as it is about cops and robbers. Peter Weir directs, Kelly McGillis co-stars and Lukas Haas is excellent as the child.
THURSDAY And, now, film fans, for this week's camp classic. Yes, it's our second dose of Arnie, and by far the most satisfying. Conan The Destroyer (World, 9.30 pm) is not quite as bad as Conan the Barbarian but is nonetheless leagues ahead of the rest this week. This time out, Arnie teams up with Grace Jones (playing a cross between a hellcat and Grace Jones) as he undertakes a magical quest in return for getting his girlfriend back from the dead. Look out too for the incredibly promiscuous Wilt Chamberlain and the return of 'Asian' rascal, Mako.