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SCMP Reporter

Fat Kid.

REAL NAME: The obese student, as in the newspaper headline '20 per cent of Hong Kong students are obese - survey'.

NATIONALITY: Hong Kong.

AGE: Five to 15.

MONEY: Too much. Certainly enough on a daily basis to buy a sackful of french fries and enough strawberry slurpee to fill a bathtub.

BRIEF HISTORY: Fat Kid has been hogging the headlines of late as educators, legislators and fans of tedious surveys discover that - shock! horror! - we have somehow spawned a nation of overweight, under-exercising, too-smart-for-their-own-good bloblets.

Fat Kid is so spoiled by parents (thin, under-exercising, overworked) who care only about Fat Kid's academic prowess, that his/her development is limited to an ever-expanding waistline. An amah carries Fat Kid's school bag, sports are frowned upon, and Fat Kid is encouraged to make an early start at being selfish. With proper training, Fat Kid is soon getting in the way in the street, speaking at a truly obnoxious volume, littering and excelling at Corruption for Beginners (he/she pays a poor kid to do his/her homework).

NATURAL HABITAT: Inside and outside 7-Eleven outlets, munching on junk food and candy, and blocking the doorway. Fat Kid is utterly oblivious to the rest of the world.

STRENGTHS: (1) Remarkable powers of persuasion. With just one carefully pitched whine, Fat Kid is capable of extracting almost limitless cash and favours from parents and relatives.

(2) With space at a premium in Hong Kong, Fat Kid's precocious obesity means he/she is getting excellent value for money - he/she covers more ground than your average student, and that's got to be a bargain.

WEAKNESS: A total lack of co-ordination. Sod's Law dictates that if you spot Fat Kid in the street at a distance of 20 metres it's already too late. No matter which way you swerve or duck, he/she will bump into you.

NO FAT KID IS COMPLETE WITHOUT: Cellulite, spectacles, a note from Mum getting him/her off games, and the very latest in video games - the closest they will ever come to sport in their lives.

ROLE MODELS: Pugsley from The Addams Family; any businessman who under-exercises, talks too loudly, litters, etc; blobby characters in Japanese cartoons.

FANS SAY: 'Bless 'em. You can't spoil a youngster too much. If he/she turns out to be a ruthless, insensitive money-grabber, we'll be able to take early retirement. And in any case, who needs a nation of Daley Thompsons?' CRITICS SAY: 'With a generation of leaders-to-be like this one, what hope can there be for democracy, the environment and the arts?' THEY SAY: 'I'd get into slurpee stocks if I were you.' ICONOGRAPHER 



Fat kid.