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SCMP Reporter

THE Great Directors Challenge up at the new computer system at the Companies Registry was a rather environmentally-unfriendly exercise.

  The idea was to find the director who had the longest printout - and hence the most directors posts, of both listed and unlisted companies - and some of them took quite a lot of paper.

  Note that the printout does not include subsidiaries, only companies in which they have full responsibilities as a director. There are 12 on a page, apart from the first page which lists four.

  Dame Lydia Dunn was a big disappointment. Apart from the fact that her middle name is Selina, her list of directorships brought up nothing of interest and didn't even fill two pages.

  Likewise Adrian Swire and Henry Keswick. Shipping magnate Tung Chee-hwa had three pages for firms.

  David Li Kwok-po had five pages of companies including the firm that runs the Peak Tram - is there no end to this man's versatility? - but he's still not among the medals.

  Multiple director extraordinaire Charles Lee Yeh-kwong only managed seven pages.

  Li Ka-shing took up 13 pages, but that still means that he would only have to attend one annual general meeting every two days.

  The silver medal went to Joseph Lau Luen-hung of Chinese Estates whose directorships make up a centimetre-thick pile of paper - 35 pages.

  And the winner was Lee Shau-kee, who is now not only the richest man in Hong Kong, supposedly, but also a director of 436 companies according to the documents sent to the registry by his company Henderson Land. The printout takes up 38 pages.

  If all his companies wanted to have a 30-minute meeting it would take up more than six weeks of office time.

  Jumping Jack    A TOUCH of Jackie fever has hit the newspapers in Japan, where 'Jackie Chan Christmas in Hong Kong' is being advertised in various newspapers - and has been spotted by Kashimura Fujio of Mid-Levels.

  These trips might represent one of the largest airborne operations the territory has yet seen. They need 500 customers to run the trip and can take up to 1,000. And they're running twice.

  Actually, the organisers may be jumping the gun a little. The Great Man's agency reckons that the details aren't confirmed yet.

  Anyhow, the ad says that each person on the trip, the majority of whom are expected to be overwhelmingly female, gets a 'two shot' photo with Jackie.

  If Jacky can get through a photo every 10 seconds, this would mean two photo sessions approaching three hours each.

  Another attraction is visiting Jackie's office. We've never been allowed into this hallowed place, but there can't be many offices that can accommodate 1,000 tourists.

  Hung up    A CALLER to one of the new breed of entrepreneurial small telecom companies got involved in a baffling mix-up yesterday.

  Mr Wong wasn't in, so a secretary took a message. Then she changed her mind, and said Mr Wong was in, and that she'd transfer the call.

  The caller was put on hold for 15 seconds, at which point the caller heard that he had a call waiting for him so he switched to the waiting call.

  'Have you just rung Mr Wong of Entrepreneurial Communications?' he was asked.

  On saying 'yes' he was told: 'He's on the line now.'   There was another 15 seconds of on-hold music and someone else answered the phone.

  'Is Mr Wong there?' the caller asked.

  'Sorry. He's in a meeting.'   Our recommendation to anyone finding themselves in this situation is to lower the phone into a bucket of water to ensure all hi-tech functions are comprehensively disabled and start again.

  Cheque it out    MULTI-MEDIA, the information superhighway, the convergence of telecommunications and computing: these are just some of the technologies which have no part in the month-long process of clearing cheques drawn on United States banks.

  In this case the bank in question was Hongkong Bank but the other banks seem to be the same or even worse.

  A customer presented a US$30,000 cheque drawn on a US bank to his branch and was told it would take a full month to clear.

  That would seem rather a long time - even if the cheque were drawn on the Eighth National Bank of Boise, Idaho. In fact, it was a company cheque from one of the world's largest three stockbrokers and was drawn on Citibank, New York.

  'If this cheque bounced it would mean the financial world is coming to an end,' was the customer's comment.

  There's some interesting psychology here. In fact, cheques may take less than a month to clear. But if the customer is told it will take a month and it only takes three weeks, then the bank has one happy customer.

  If the bank says it will take three weeks and it takes 31/2, it has generated a grumbler.

  Heir pollution    REMEMBER Prince Charles' recent visit, when he gave a big speech about how we should start cycling and using the tram more?   A British newspaper has reported that Charles himself owns not one, not two but five cars.



Top directors' printouts threaten rain forests