The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise's foray into the 3D market, subtitled On Stranger Tides, is a bloated, subpar and unnecessarily dragged-out effort by first-time franchise director Rob Marshall.
A prophecy states that the notorious pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) will meet his death in a fortnight's time. He sets sail for the Fountain of Youth in hopes of cheating fate; legend has it that a sip from the fountain's water ensures eternal life.
Word spreads that Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) holds the map to the fountain. He crosses paths with Angelica (Penelope Cruz), his love interest - and Blackbeard's daughter. He ends up a prisoner and guide the ship to the fountain.
The series that repopularised the pirate genre has generally been decent. Sadly, On Stranger Tides is full of excesses and subplots that weigh down the film and evoke too few laughs.
Someone should really check the official running time. It says 137 minutes, but feels more like four hours. The three plots of the film - set in London, on the ship and in the jungle - are long and slow. They converge at the end, but by that time, no one is really interested.
There's nothing here you haven't seen before. Pity.