Often the most challenging part of becoming a parent can be what other parents don't, or won't, tell you. Oliver Roberts, co-author of newly released e-book The Partner-Parent Principle, says parents talk at mind-numbing length about the gains a child has brought to their lives.
'But many of them don't like to think or talk too much about the stresses, problems or what they've lost,' he says. 'You need to prepare for hell. Yes, it'll be heaven too, and it's important you enjoy it as much as you can. But other times it will be hell, no question about it, and it will be tough on you as a couple. That is normal and it will pass.'
In his book, Roberts says: 'Being unprepared for the downsides [of parenting] - especially what can happen to your relationship - is damaging in itself. It creates bigger expectations and disappointments.'
According to Roberts, one in five couples divorce by the time their children are five years old. He thinks this figure may be conservative as it doesn't take into account couples who aren't married. Roberts, who is married with two children, wrote the book with his sister, Sydney-based divorce lawyer Melanie Roberts-Fraser, who is also married with two children. They based many of their observations on interviews with 150 people from around the world.
At the time of this interview, Roberts, a former journalist, was in the midst of relocating to his home country of New Zealand from Britain, where he had worked for the government in media relations and community policy development.
'One of the strengths of the book is the balance between male and female points of view,' says Roberts. 'Mel and I were able to argue out our viewpoints. Sometimes the geographical distance helped. If we fought, we could just go and stew for 24 hours.' Roberts says they argued the most about chapter three, called Mr and Mrs 50s Revival. 'We were coming at it from a male versus female point of view, but we also had to agree with everything that went into the book,' he says.