For two HK survivors of 9/11, a long journey from guilt to solace

Monica hopes that after today she will have achieved something she has searched for over the past 10 years - closure.

After escaping death during the World Trade Centre terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, the Hong Kong woman left New York and did not return. Monica - who did not want to use her real name as she is still haunted by her ordeal - quit her job in investment banking as soon as her serious injuries had healed and returned to Hong Kong. Today though, she is in New York for the first time since 9/11.

It is a journey back into her own personal hell, but one she is determined to take. The isolation she felt in the years since in Hong Kong has spurred her on to finally confront her demons. 'When I recovered from my injuries, I wanted to get back to as normal a life as soon as I could here, but it was virtually impossible,' Monica said. 'I went through a few years of depression and survivor guilt. I couldn't understand why I was allowed to live when so many other innocent people died. I'm much happier and at ease with myself now, but I still feel I need closure.'

Over the past decade she has not even watched any of the many 9/11 documentaries that have been televised. But in a bid to fortify herself for the pain that is sure to await her on the anniversary today, she watched last Monday's showing on TVB Pearl of Giuliani's 9/11, National Geographic's documentary on how New York's mayor at the time, Rudy Giuliani, handled the crisis.

'It was the first time I had watched something like this. I had a minor breakdown, nothing dramatic though,' she said. 'I just didn't know how bad it was, because I had blocked it all out. It was like a knife piercing through my heart when I saw people jumping off the towers and some waving to try to get rescued when they never would be.'

Monica, 39, was hurrying to her office at 7 World Trade Centre when terrorists smashed the second passenger jet into the nearby South Tower. She tried to flee with the panic-stricken crowd but was knocked unconscious by a falling window frame. She was rescued by emergency services workers she knows only as Dave and Roy.

'They said they rescued me first because they knew I was dying. They said I was lying silently beside the window frame while the many other injured victims were screaming and wailing,' Monica said.