SCOTT Fuller of the Tenderloin Meat Co was idly checking his faxes yesterday. One carried a special message: 'Just how many f*****g times do I have to tell you - I don't want this load of s***. B***** off once and for all. In fact, there wasn't just one such fax, but five identical ones. Those who are prone to jumping to conclusions may infer that one of Scott's customers is not entirely delighted with his firm's services, and perhaps has some niggling doubt about an element of some transaction. Wrong. In fact, the faxer had intended to launch this obscene, violent attack against a junk mailer, but had made the significant error of mis-keying the fax number. Scott's fax number is similar to the real target's. So here's a sobering thought. About a year ago, Lai See readers had lots of fun discussing their brilliant junk-mail counter-strike measures, like emptying their enemies' fax machines using endless loops of paper, tying up their lines using computers with fax cards and the like. But what if the assailant mis-dialled the number? Haunting YESTERDAY was a terrible day for the Hang Seng Index - it dropped 192 to 8,466.26. Also a terrible day for those who said 1994 would be a golden year for the Hong Kong stock market. Look at the cover of the South China Brokerage forecast book for '94, pictured above right. It's not looking very realistic. Maybe they got the graph upside down. Lai See has a large box of reports from brokerages and fund managers with similar themes, telling their clients to buy leveraged China concept stocks, plus other recipes for losing cash quickly. Like bodies in a graveyard in one of those tacky zombie movies, they threaten to rise from this coffin to terrorise the living as the witching hour of December 31 approaches. Actually, South China Brokerage's main mistake was not calling interest rates correct, and without its own bond department that was always going to be tricky. On the other hand, one bank which does claim expertise in that area was as late as March 10 in telling its clients that 'international fixed-income markets will remain strong'. Yeah, right - in the same way that Warwick Reid will remain honest. The names of other dismal commentators will be revealed in coming weeks. Poppycock STOCK futures: one smoke and you're addicted and heading to an early grave. Extreme? Not according to Legco's Philip Wong, who yesterday compared the introduction of this new financial market to opium peddling in the 1830s. In both cases, the British wanted to get the locals hooked on alluring but dangerous products. 'Opium is damaging to your health; stock futures are damaging to your wealth,' he said, with a perfectly straight face. Actually, the risks of stock futures are less than those of betting on horses. When will Legco members, many of whom are Jockey Club members or horse owners, try to ban this? Early Byre THE first official sighting of the season of bearded taxpert Marshall Byres is recorded in today's Business Post, with him chatting about the British budget. No doubt as our own budget day approaches, we'll be seeing more of him and other tax experts. Actually, Sir Hamish has probably just about decided on our own 1995 budget by now. The Hong Kong budget process gets longer every year, and unless you've got your lobbying done by the time Hamish meets Legco members in November, then you've pretty much wasted your time, one lobbyist reckons. Now that the Governor's policy address also contains tax measures, the consultation period can easily be considered to last 18 months, he adds. This means the consultation for Britain's last full-year budget has already started. Get your pleas in early, folks. Alarmist IT'S unusual for spice or sharp thinking to intrude on the sleepy world of conferences, so an incident yesterday is worth recording. Unfortunately, it's probably wise to erase the name of the unfortunate subject and his employer. Anyhow, his language wasn't printable. Patrick Thomas of Oakreed Financial Services was giving a talk at yesterday's Asian Bond '94 conference, and about halfway through the talk he stopped and gazed around the conference hall. 'Is Mr X of Bank Anonymous here?' he asked. No hand went up. The reason he asked, Patrick explained was that there was a rumour that Bank Anonymous was launching a fixed-rate Hong Kong dollar bond for the International Asian Development Bank - quite a sensitive bit of data. Naturally, poor old Mr X received a dozen phone calls asking about the deal, the pricing, size of issue etc. Actually, the bond doesn't exist. It's either under delicate negotiation or was withdrawn because of pricing problems, and is certainly at the stage where Bank Anonymous isn't keen to talk about it. Patrick said yesterday he just wanted to add a 'bit of spice' to his presentation. Not a chap to invite to surprise parties. Indeed, not a chap to invite to conferences either - keeping the delegates awake with interesting stuff instead of waffle. Ill-advised A COMMENT on the litigiousness of the United States. A passenger on a London-Hong Kong flight over the weekend collapsed with an asthma attack.