How tradition can make a meal of feminist ideals

As a young child, the Indian festival of Karva Chauth was something like a competitive sport. After the guilt of watching my mother go without food all day, it became a race against hunger to help her find the moon right after the official moonrise so she could finally break her fast. But on Karva Chauth, the moon had a nasty habit of getting stuck behind a cloud or building.

Karva Chauth is a north Indian festival during which married women fast for the well-being of their husbands. Observed during the month of Kartik, on the fourth day of the waning moon (which generally falls in October), the festival was based on camaraderie between married women in the community at a time when most of that society lived in villages. Today it is a ritual of north Indian women all over the world and a bonding experience for mothers- and daughters-in-law.

By the time I was a teenager, the ritual had struck my feminist chord. There was no way I could condone - much less let take part in - any tradition that catered to a male-dominated society.

So when, shortly after my wedding, my mother-in-law sent a series of faxed instructions for the fasting ritual, I thought: 'She's got to be kidding!' The last thing I needed was a battle with my mother-in-law about my feminist ideals.

She wasn't kidding, but she was empathetic. 'P.S. I understand times have changed so please do not be obliged to follow this ritual if you do not feel like it.' What a thoroughly reasonable woman. I was delighted to put an end to it.

Until my own not-so-reasonable mother interjected.