TV or not to be
Like a lot of mothers with three or more young children, I am something of a hypocrite. When my eldest was born, I swore he would never watch any television. None at all. No, not even a DVD created by educational experts with babies' developmental needs in mind. And definitely no purple dinosaurs or talking puppets. Television rots the mind and turns children into zombies, I would rant.
But short of throwing the television out (something for which my husband would never forgive me), a ban on television was never going to happen. Friends and other parents, with older children, would smile politely at my political-style outbursts, knowing what I did not know then: that children and television go together as naturally as children and messes.
My son did watch television in the first year of his life. He watches it now, as do his two younger siblings. It is a compromise between my husband, who is something of a television addict, and me, who would much rather be curled up on the sofa with a good book. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a good television drama or comedy and am partial to a good film; but given the choice between the television or my extensive collection of books, the books win every time. That's exactly how I want to raise my children.
Our daughter regularly goes to bed hugging a book and often won't leave the house without one or several. Sometimes she gets out her little suitcase with wheels just to carry the books she wants to leave the house with, even when we are only going down the road to pick her big brother up from school.
It's too early to tell which way the baby will sway, but so far he has not shown any interest in television. However, as he is not yet even walking, I don't want to start counting my chickens.
And even though my daughter loves books, she and her elder brother also love to watch television so much, they will watch anything we put on. Our five-year-old, very boyish, Star Wars playing, Nerf gun shooting, eldest child will happily sit through an hour of a candy-pink movie, complete with pink fairies and pink flying horses. They will also sit through educational programmes involving school buses with magic powers and groups of performers that sing and dance in garish T-shirts. No matter what it is, they will sit through it, just like my husband. He has very strong opinions about what makes a quality television programme or movie but will quite happily sit through anything that is on. I'm more likely to throw my book at the television.
Taking away our children's television privileges is the worst punishment you can inflict on them. It's not ideal to discipline children with threats any more than it is to discipline them with bribes, but when appealing to their good sides and consciences doesn't work, I can always take away the DVDs.
I do control how much television they watch and what (well, candy-pink movies aside). Ever since they were little, they have been allowed to watch one DVD a day, and they take turns choosing what they watch. The rules are relaxed only when my husband is in charge - such as if I am really ill and bed-bound, or if I have just given birth.
My husband knows the rules and has been reminded of them by me from my hospital bed, but for him, television is harmless entertainment. And so the three of them glue themselves to the sofa with a bag of pretzels and watch a little stripy fish attempt to find his son for the 400th time.
If I am completely honest, for all my taking the moral high ground where television is concerned, I have used it over the years when I have needed it. When our eldest was a baby and we had no helper, I used it to get half an hour's respite in the middle of the day so that I could eat my lunch sitting down and in more than four bites.
When the children are sick (and I mean really sick with scarily high fevers and hacking coughs) and they can't move from the sofa, I let them watch to their hearts' content, in between fever-induced naps. And on those Sundays when my helpers are off, my husband is on the mainland for work and I am struggling to get through the long day alone, the television can be a great respite for the kids and me, and allows me to put them to bed in stages.
It is, as always, everything in moderation. I have active, physical children who spend most of their afternoons swinging from the monkey bars in the park, and so half an hour of television at the end of a busy day doesn't seem so evil after all. And, when necessary, it is a great incentive for getting homework done. But you didn't hear that from me.
Rebecca Tomasis is a mother of three and was co-winner last year of the inaugural Proverse Prize for unpublished writers
